Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ask a Bougie Chick: He Said/She Said

First a disclaimer: The opinions and advice shared on this blog are from the fertile soil of my mind based on my experiences. They are in no way professionally sanctioned or meant to influence anybody, anywhere, at any time. Thank you. ~The Management.

Today on BnB, we crack open some good times with a new Ask a Bougie Chick. For my BougieLand newbies, basically someone emails me a question and I answer it. Simple concept. Never dull.

Okay, now that the housekeeping is out of the way let me explain the tomfoolery and folderol you are about to partake of. A young lady going by the alias ClassyinCali sent me a letter. I read her letter and though inclined to roll my eyes and ditch it, instead I asked if she might have the gentleman referenced in the letter to write me his side. He did under the name LBC4E (took me hours to figure out he was referring to Long Beach City ForEver). Here they go (cleaned up somewhat for grammar, spelling and removal of obscenities):


Hey – love the book and the blog! Just wondered if I could get your opinion on something? About nine months ago, I started a physical relationship with a guy from work. We both agreed it was just for fun, not exclusive, good while it lasted. Then in early January he got laid off, about a month after that he asked if he could stay with me for a few days. I said sure why not, just for a week still no strings. I knew it was a problem when he pulled up and had a moving truck with him. I asked him why he needed a truck full of stuff if he was only staying a few days. This caused an argument but he put his stuff in storage and came back with a suitcase. Here we are almost six months later and he shows no signs of leaving. There was a reason we kept the relationship physical, that's all we have in common. Last week, we had an issue because he had another woman in the house. Based on that, I went out with someone else over the weekend. When I got home he went crazy. How do I get him out of here without drama or police?


I'll just nickname her CIC. Before we begin the discussion, here's old boy's side:


I didn't read your blog before yesterday. It's decent but a little high end for me. I met this girl at my job last year and we started smashing. She wanted more, I wasn't feeling it yet. Then I got cut by the job and without savings had to give up my apartment so I asked her if I stay for a little while. She invited me to move in and see if we could work out "something real". I was kinda stuck so why not. When I pull up, she all flip-floppy saying I can come in but not my stuff. So already I see how this is working out. Whatever, we give it a shot anyway. I got a job and starting kicking in towards rent and bills then I see she's got other dudes lined up. So I move to the guest room and fall back. She says I need to get out by the weekend. I paid through July, I'm staying until then. Now who's right and who's wrong?


Alrighty then. Both ya'll wrong and somebody (probably both of ya'll) is lying. Primarily, the relationship was all smash-n-dash… you don't move in with your sex buddy. Isn't that rule number one? You both knew that and went ahead. I don't know who decided to change the rules of the game, maybe LB when he asked to stay or maybe CIC when she let him. Either way I call bullshiggity on the both of you. Ya took a simple situation and jacked it up to hell and back. Beyond that, CIC – if you want him out, give him back his July rent and tell him to get gone. And you LB, take your July money and roll out. Otherwise, you kind of deserve each other.

Bougies – whatcha got for CIC and LB? Thoughts, comments, insights? The floor is yours.


derek love said...

Woke up early here on East Coast thinking to catch up on Bougeness real quick. Opened up THIS? Let me say a loud WTF and prescribe a kick in the ass to both parties? But LB gets the extra - you didn't have any b0dy else to move in with? Really? Epic Fail. You tried to make your ho into a housewife cuz your money got short...SMDH.

CIC learn how to just say no and put that ninja out. Like yesterday.

Sweet N Tart said...

I can't with these two. Bless you for trying but that is rampant stupidity on the highest level from both parties.

BB Waite said...

You know what they say - 3 sides to every story. His, Hers and the Truth. I feel certain we're only getting a slice of the stupid. They absolutely need to separate immediately and quit dragging other people into the middle of their mess. And it is some mess.

[fung'ke] [blak] [chik] said...

First of all you don't shit where you eat..or however that saying goes.

2nd of all you get laid off & have no disposable income to see you through tough times...negro pls...you better find a relative to shack up with...

so basically neither ppl were the brightest bulbs in the socket.

Stank_0 said...


Your advice is good in light of what they decided to share and what they decided to withhold. There's his version, hers, and the truth.

I think he asked her because he knew she was feeling him.

To get him out give him back the rent. It's fairly simple. I would advise against getting the law involved as well. Due to the fact that he paid her some rent, he is entitled by law to stay there for some time.

ASmith said...



No, but for real?

I'm not even sure what the question is. Cause... this seems pretty much like straight on tomfoolery. It's such tomfoolery the answer is obvi, no?

Ok, then. Umm...

Here's the bottom line. Both of ya'll is wrong. If he's paid up through July, then he stays until July or he gets his money back. Bruh, you ain't got a lease, so... she can give you your money back put you out and you can't do nothing about that. Er, you can, but it'll end up with you and the police getting to know each other very well.

Hey, stop smashing co-workers and moving in with them later. That's less than smart. Like, one or the other, people... don't be greedy. I really just don't EVEN understand.

Inkognegro said...

Okay...REAL Quick. I got This far...and then I HAD to stop and Say this.

"About nine months ago, I started a physical relationship with a guy from work. We both agreed it was just for fun, not exclusive, good while it lasted. "

I can't.
I will make a POINT of not reading the rest because if you DO THAT? you kinda deserve whatever comes next. Love yall..see you tomorrow.

Oh Crap...i just accidentally saw the next sentence. Ohhh DEAR.

*Guts through the rest of this foolishness*

No. Uh uh....They both need A LOT of people. a WHOLE lot.
North Korean ARMIES of people.

And I LOVE your Blog, Bouge. but HighEND? *Falls out*

WriterChanelle said...

The whole situation could have been avoided if CIC hadn't slept with the guy in the first place. The blog is too "high-end" for him???

MeetCharlieL said...

Naw, hell naw. You grab and GO. Smash and DASH. Hit and QUIT. That's how that is supposed to work. Quick rundown of fail:
1. Work f! buddy - never a good look
2. Prolonged periods of smash - just call it a relationship already
3. Lost job no savings, no fam? That's so extra
4. Sex partners becoming housemates?
5. Ground rules shady?
6. Extra folks in the middle of the madness

And not mentioning the eleventy hundred things they conveniently left out.
Go away children and grow the eff up. Sheesh.

Mr. Analytical said...

I am thoroughly amused by this situation. I know that might seem weird but hey, they're both adults. If they do something so blatantly foolish I can only think that they are looking for an audience to yell Jerry...cept in this case it's Bougie! Bougie! Bougie! and on a high end blog such as this we don't get down like that.

Mr. Long Beach fo life, Dude, stack your chips, call Tyrone, do whatever you gotta do...you shouldn't WANT to stay.

Classy...c'mon now...nothing about this situation is classy, you know this. Keep it funky and refer to yourself as Crazy in Cali, at least in regards to this. You want dude out? Change the locks and tape the classified section and craigslist printouts on the door. Tell him to come back with a signed lease and he can retrieve the few belongings he left there.

Now if y'all still smashing and dashing (without the dash), enjoy that and remember that the neighbors of the place you're staying at will know y'all's real names.

stephanie brown said...

This was bad chemistry from the beginning... CIC you don't move in your jump off.... Ever!!!

And LB come on son... You were for wrong for going along with this foolery knowing whole heartedly you werent in it to win it.

Both of you grab a sippy cup and move on!

brendakay50 said...

Ohhhh, how I love "Ask a Bougie Chick"!

ClassyinCali ~ my big toes. A truly classy woman knows that you don't engage in a physical relationships with a co-worker. Additionally, a classy woman, does not allow a man to live with her under any circumstances, no matter how hard luck the story, unless he is a sibling, parent or a husband.

As for LBC4E ~ the word "trifling" immediately comes to mind.

I don't believe either of these two individuals are telling even a portion of the truth, aside from the sex and living together. I'm co-signing with MeetCharlieL ~ CiC and LBC4E both need to grow up.

Foxy Brown said...

ummm...wow...i...i just...i can't, i really can't

laser beam side eye to both of yall

this thing passed bullshiggity when cic decided to sleep with lb. we need a new word cause they have clearly created a new category of foolishness...

Veronica said...

Real talk? When I read both their names I knew we were in for some shenanigans. CIC named herself Classy to try to paint a rosy picture of herself before delving into the details of this... mess. And LBC338TripleD (what, WHAT?) ... are still STILL reppin' geographical locations? iCannot.

Both of these two are full of #FAIL. You don't scout for cut buddies at work. You don't keep a person dangling on a string if you don't want a relationship with them. You don't call said person and asked to stay with them because you #FAILed again and didn't set aside an emergency fund. And you certainly don't someone who's shown a lack of planning move all up in your space.

Did anyone peep "so I moved into the guest room"??? So y'all are ALREADY in a shaky situation but you're still spooning like a married couple every night? I've had a whole roster of friends stay in my house at some point, and even though my place is small as hell, no one sleeps in my room other than me and the person with whom I'm in a (for-real) relationship. Everyone else knows how to work the pull-out couch. #justsayin.

iCant with this. This isn't for real, Bougie. This canNOT be for real.

SingLikeSassy said...

This is some dickery. Entertaining dickery but dickery nonetheless.

Veronica said...

Ha ha ha HA HA!

Pretty Nerd said...

They lost me at "physical relationship." The rest sounds like a whole bunch of unnecessary drama caused by poor ask choices... Maybe this just disgusts me cause I work with a bunch of trolls, but office freak buddy? Hale to the naw...

Methinks they BOTH are broke azzes, cause conveniently she doesnt mention him giving her money for rent and bills in her letter, but yet she wants to put dude out. She probably needs the $ just as bad as he does.... I think she is just bitter cause dude brought a female in her house, which by her own admission caused her to go out with another dude in retaliation. This "physical" relationship didnt turn into the "real" relationship she initially wanted so now she cryin foul. Good lawd.

OneChele said...

I love the back-handed "high-end" remark... classic goodness right there.

OneChele said...

*smothers a snicker* Tell 'em why ya mad, son!

thinklikeRiley said...

This some old bullshyt. Old boy tried to be g'ed up and got caught out, that is all. Now chick mad cuz he dicking down random illnana in her house. On some old childish shyt, they both need to fess up that they right where they wanna be or move the hell on.

Grace said...

Even though you write this in the most illiterate way possible, I agree you conceptually. LB tried to be a player and CIC was acting okay with it until circumstances changed. They moved in (clearly for more than the sex) then something went wrong and one (or the both of them) brought other people into it for retirbution or an easy out. Either way clearly something drew them together and now they have to decide what's next...

And this blog IS way too sophisticated (I think that's the word LB was looking for) for this nonsense. Be glad Chele (who actually IS classy) took the time to address your rampant stupidity.

GrownAzzMan said...

I can barely stop laughing long enough to type this. "Both ya'll wrong and somebody (probably both of ya'll) is lying." That about says it all. Just don't...

Troy said...

Dammit - is someone forgetting to pass out the "Just In It To Hit" Handbook? Because these two have violated 8 of 10 regulations.

Leon X said...

Let's repeat the golden rule shall we?

You do not shack up with the cut buddy.
You do not shack up with the cut buddy.
You do not shack up with the cut buddy.
You do not shack up with the cut buddy.

That's all I have. I ain't got no more.

kh20s said...

bougie is kind, bougie is gracious. when someone comes to me and asks for advice or for the 'bougie' way i try very hard not to dwell on the mistakes which a person has made, without offering constructive solutions. in this case there has been foolishness and drama. but as a bougie nation, it is our duty to point out the resources and encouragement necessary for this young lady and young man to get back on track.

young lady - everybody has made mistakes, by confusing the "right now" with the "right forever". if this man is paying you rent, then you must go to your city's tenant/landlord affairs office (which is not the same as involving the police, this is going to be more like involving a lawyer or legal assistant) and find out what both of your rights are. provide him with a copy of the information as well. inform him in writing and in a calm conversation that you would like him to leave and set a date. do not let him bargain or otherwise control this situation. when the move out date comes, you must be prepared to take action, even if said action is unpleasant (legal, but unpleasant none the less). bougie ethics dictates that you must be gracious enough to allow this person sufficient time to find a place to live. bougie pride also dictates that he must leave as requested (even if he has to stay in his car)

young man & young lady - please do not date or talk or friend any additional people until this drama is settled. innocent people do not deserve to be caught up in your mess.

young lady - be civil, be firm and you will come out of this terrible situation wiser for the time.

i do understand where you are coming from. i'm sure that most of us have had "associates" who were great fun on the weekend and we've wondered "how can i keep the fun going?". well that is why bougie people do things like suddenly decide to do a semester abroad or go to amsterdam or vacation at an all inclusive resort where nobody knows our name and we paid cash.

SingLikeSassy said...

Haha. Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaa. If they stay together two, three more days they'll hit the rest of the list.

OneChele said...

UPDATE: Ms. CIC just emailed me to tell me that she is very hurt by this post and that I am making a fool of her... no ma'am I believe you did that yourself. As a matter of fact, you may recall that when I told you I was posting this letter I explained that the feedback may not be what you expected... but do you truly expect us to believe that you thought this letter would net you positive feedback? We're bougie, not blind.

Andrea M said...

Let me chit and chat at CIC for a moment...
Girl get real. You gave him some and it was good, you got swept up in the game. You saw an opportunity to turn your boytoy into a boyfriend and you took it. It didn't work out. Pull up your big girl drawers, close your legs and put a stiletto in old boy's ass. C'mon now. This has nothing to do with HIM, it's about YOU. Handle yo biz like a boss and keep it moving. Lesson learned, right!!!!!

Steve said...

No she didn't! Tell her to come up into Bougieland and say something. #bougefight!

Mr. Analytical said...

I want to check myself on one thing. I'm trying to be more aware of when a statement or assessment I make is one sided at the expense of women. I said that Ms. Classy wasn't classy without calling the LBC spade a spade. Long Beach Chump, you're a being a bum ass dude. I'm not judging your entire character but something that is going unsaid by both of you contributed to this. Now while you should be ashamed for living trife and at her expense, you should man up and bounce. Then if you want to play don juan, you can get down at the shelter or the red roof inn (i hear they're pretty affordable).

JaymeC said...

Excellent translation of Riley's ebonically-challenged rant. Is hell freezing over since we agree with Riley?

Rob said...

I'll address my statements to Mr. LB.

Son, I'm going to overlook the whodinkery of your Alias but we stopped calling out LBC in 97. I've been appointed by The Committee to pull your playa's card and your man's privilege card and your ghetto pass immediately. You have failed the brotherhood, the manhood and the hood miserably. Please take the next few months to rediscover your nut sack and strap it back on. You have lost your way... please come back. But come back correct.
Rob (desginated representative)

Here endeth the lesson.

Pure Choco said...

BWAHAHA @ the red roof inn! For all this nonsense, he needs to head over to Big Momma's house and get that room in the basement - oh this is Cali - the room out back that used to be a shed that has a box fan in the window. Good luck with the ladies LB.

tiffanyinhouston said...

Boo, you made a fool of yourself via the interwebs the very moment you pressed send on that email.

The end.

Page Bartlett said...

Wow... just wow. So they were for real with this? This should go in the BnB EPIC Fail Hall of Fame.

maureen palmer said...

To qoute OneChele, we need a laser beam to cut through the sheningans of CIC & LBC4E, at any rate they need to take their case to small court or Judge Mathis. I contend most of us (women) can't do physical relationship,CIC got jealous. Save yourself the drama and find away to deal with him until July and next time don't ask if you do not want to hear the truth.

sunt97 said...

Wow, I didn't know which one is the more stupid. 2 weeks into him being in my house (let alone that I would have let him in the first place) I would have said, "so you got a spot lined up for next week". He certainly would have never been bringing people to MY crib, ever. His suitcase would have been sitting on the curb with changed locks. He was a fool for asking. Why would you move in with someone that you were just banging for the heck of it. I guess they both have learned a valuable lesson and will move on with a bitter taste in their mouths.

Peace, Love and Chocolate

WriterChanelle said...

I want to throw a book at him and hope the words move into his brain by osmosis because he is, clearly, not going to read them.

CIC - Why why why WHYYYYY? Was it really that good? Geezus. Treat your body and your home better. Don't let an unworthy fool get in.

brendakay50 said...

A new word for my personal dictionary ~ "whodinkery". *On the floor...On.The.Floor!*

Only the Tall said...

Her first mistake was to sleep with a co-worker. Never mix honey with money, ok? Her second mistake was allowing her office-piece to move in. Don't mix business with pleasure, ok? The only thing that I can say about the guy is never lay up under a woman under any circumstances, I don't care if you are paying rent. See, this is why the only person you need to be leaving with is yourself, or your HUSBAND OR YOUR WIFE. I am not religious just smart.

Only the Tall said...

"Treat your body and your home better" That's it right there! Let us bow our heads....LOLOL!
It's all begins with self-respect and clearly they are both lacking in that department.


Related Posts with Thumbnails