OneChele enters stage left. Walks to podium, taps mic. "Check one, two. Spotlight please?" OneChele clears throat and begins to recite: "A letter to The Ex."
Bougieland ~ Indulge me while I get this off my chest…
Dear Ex,
This is the one and only time that I'll admit this so let me say it for all the world to see… yes, we were awesome. There was an awesomeness about us that will be hard to replicate. We had that thing, that vibe, that za-za-zu. People say there was an energy that surrounded the two of us. Apparently an energy that made others stop and look with knowing smiles. Yes, I still have people (and family members) asking "whatever happened to…" "I really thought you two would make it" Yeah, so did I.
When we were awesome, we were really, truly awesome. We could talk, we could laugh, we could sit in silence and say absolutely nothing and have the best time in the world. You got moody, I got moody but we knew when to just give each other that extra bit of space. My family liked your family, your family liked mine. I will take a moment to applaud your romance game. The trips, the flowers, the jewelry, the gifts, even that one time you FedEx'd Vitamin Water to me because it wasn't available in that remote piece of crap place where I was stuck doing a consulting assignment. I still smile at the memory of stuff like that.
We never ran out of things to talk about. I beat you at Scrabble, you beat me at Gin though I will swear to my dying day that you cheated. (no surprise there) I spoiled you with homemade lobster pizza, you spoiled me with Gucci shoes. You introduced me to Entourage, I introduced you to Grey's Anatomy.
This is a family (sorta) blog, so there's no need to go into our most personal interactions. It's enough to say the judges awarded 10s across the board.
Unfortunately when we weren't awesome… we were absolutely terrible. One of us had a temper that would simmer for weeks and then boil over (me), one of us had a problem with honesty (you), one of us just shut down when provoked (me), one of us kept making promises that never got kept (you), one of us perfected radiating waves of pisstivity (me), one of us flirted inappropriately with people all the damn time (you). Both of us were stubborn, both of us hated to admit when we were wrong and there were definite times when we just said whatever needed to be said to end the discussion rather than getting to the bottom of the issue.
I own that I wasn't a paragon of perfection in the relationship but um… you had that whole inability to make a decision and stick to it thing and what else – oh, the random broads that would slip and fall naked on top of you. Long story short, you wanted to have your cake and brownies too… with a side of sweet potato pie… with whipped cream on top… and gummy bears sprinkled on the plate.
So when you decided to go back to the woman who allowed you to have all your desserts while turning a blind eye, I was ticked off in an epic kind of way but I understood. Why stay with the one who's going to actually make you work at being a better person when you can be with the one that you like "well enough" and lets you get away with all manner of shiggity. Got it. This is why I sent you the Jill Scott song with lyrics (in case you missed the point):
But then after time and distance, I realized you did me a HUGE favor. Huge. Life-altering in fact. Sure you wasted years and years and years in the prime of my life but I can appreciate that you didn't waste any more. In fact, I'm Good. Cue the video:
Just so we understand each other? Cool.
But what I don't understand is why, after our four separate "closure" discussions, even after the KRYPTONITE letter, you persist in trying to reach me? In any manner or media. It's no longer a case of what you have to say to me. It's a case of I don't want to hear it. I'm currently on a man break. I expect that to last another month or two. But I'm on a break from you for oh, let's say the next ten years. Seriously. I've learned my lesson and I get that you never will. So now in addition to blocking your email and calls, we can add texts to the list. And now that I've written this letter, I can go back to my happy place. You should get one of those (that doesn't involve me) and stay there.
Smooches and best of luck with all of that… Chele.
Okay, I'm better. Bougienistas – your thoughts on exes, closure and why some folks just won't stay gone?
33 comments:
There is NOTHING logical about Boomerang EXes. They come back because they miss it. They don't care if you miss it. They don't care if your life has improved 20-fold as a result of their absence. They.miss.it.
Sometimes it's all about control of the situation for them. They control when and if the break-up occurs, if contact is made afterwards, or if they have access to your life. I have an ex in my life that, I must admit, has been boomeranging in and out of my life for over 10 years. I only recently in the last couple of months have taken active steps to keep him out of my life, and let him know I am moving on. It gets to the point it is no longer fun, thrilling, exciting, or dramatic. It just gets old and boring, and I need new and fresh.
Wow! I thought I had it bad with the ex that e-mailed me 5 months after wishing that everything I loved would die in my hands, asking for advice with his new girlfriend. At least he got the hint...
There's a pile of things I don't understand about men. A pile. But for the most part and on the whole I just accept the vast majority of that pile for what it is. Things I don't understand about men.
But the "checking up" thing? The "making sure I could slide back in if I really wanted/needed to" thing? That's something I don't get and can't accept that I don't get it. You had your shot, buddy and you blew it. Sooooo what do you want from me at this point? I mean really.
Oh and I had NO idea there was a video for "My Love" or "I'm Good" both songs I ♥! Good call, Chele.
Girl I understand this letter and I need to print it to a guy I know, who claims we have something but rather stick around with ol' girl who deals with his crap.
People seem to know when you have gotten past things and are good, then reappear and become an annoyance, like a pimp on your azz. Kudos to you for trying to mov on with your life. One of these days he'll come to his senses and it will be waaaay too late.
Tiffany
Peace, Love and Chocolate
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com
I honestly have no experience with this topic. I'm fortunate enough to mess with ppl who are on another continent.
I guess I feed my ego enough that I don't need to check up to feed it more. Stank-0's ego=well nourished.
I was always told growing up, once you have moved past something don't stare in the rearview or you'll crash. Never look back even if you want to.
Ah well. I could write paragraphs in response to your questions, but I'm feeling shy after Friday's post about over-sharing. And this morning has gotten off to a late start. For some reason, my foggy brain thought today was Sunday when I turned off the alarm and rolled over to fall asleep for another hour and 1/2. So all I'll say is that it is a good idea to construct a wall between you and this particular ex. Connecting the dots, I'm thinking this must be the one you call Gene? Being a decade or so older than you, you still seem like a young person to me and I think you are still in the prime of your life :-) I hope you go out and find somebody to share your sparkle with that appreciates it.
Told Him. Non of mine were ever that persitant in lingering .
Amen and amen, sir. Put it on a t-shirt and pass it out to your brethren.
Bougie Cousin,
I have been trying to figure this out for myself. Why do SOME men think they can cheat, lie, be nice to you, buy you a few things, cheat, lie, be nice to you, try to be good in bed, cheat,lie, be nice to you (we get the pattern?). Then when you wake up, shake the dust off, see the new sunlight breaking through the window, take a look in the mirror and see the old you hiding behind eyes tired with frustration, aggravation, and depression so you decided to wake up for real, redeem the real you and start to blast Beyonce 'Irreplacable' all while neatly packing his things, making a polite phone call to say its through, change the locks, change your number, block his e-mails, text, facebook, myspace, twitter and any other social media you can think of he still finds some way to sing, 'Baby Come Back'. Why?? Why do they cry over you when they didn't appreciate you when you were together? Why do they curse you out for moving on and doing you, when they were doing them, Jill, Jane, Jemia, Tyshaun, and Mookie? Why are they so persistent in wanting to have some kind of relationship when they wouldn't work on the one you had? Why do they fester in a pool of hatred when they see you smiling over the man who does better for you then they ever did? Why do men lie, cheat, decieve, get dumped and then act all kinds of crazy, lost and confused? BECAUSE THOSE KIND OF MEN ARE C-R-A-Z-Y!! THEY CRAZY, WANNA MAKE YOU CRAZY, AND YOU GOTTA BLOCK THE CRAZY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. People say you don't miss a good thing when its gone, but when a good thing is gone it is gone for good.
Okay, I'll admit to a late night drunk dial on the TapBack but that about it. I did however, have an ex who called me once a month like clockwork for 18 months to see if I'd "come to my senses" - WDDDA?
Best summary ever.
May I cut and paste this letter and send it out as my own. You said it so much better than I ever couls.
Just no. Shouldn't even come to this. But some folks just HAVE to have that last word.
I will take new and fresh as well please.
Wow - his parting words seemed over the top. Advice to his new girlfriend - Run!
You know I'm all about the random video share. ;-)
The middle of the night TapBack call - we can chalk that up to mixing Patron with Heineken on a late night (or so I've heard?!) - but that's once. Anything more than that is flat out control issues, stalkerdom or arrogance that no matter what, no matter when they know they can get to you.
Applause ofr shutting it down.
Ah thanks...
A few years back, I broke up witht he guy I was seeing and then six months later I went back admitting I made a mistake. Turns out I didn't make a mistake and was right to jet the first time. So then HE came back and then back and then back again until I finally had to be mean about it.
HE was over the top. I wish I had realized it sooner. Lesson learned, though.
Breaks up suck. Even the most civilized can turn ugly in a heartbeat.
You are blessed.
Feel free
I feel this post so much that I want to copy and paste it, insert my name and my ex's name, print it, fold it, put it in an envelope, and express ship it to my ex. the only thing stopping me is the fact that he has been quiet for a while, aside from the text msg that he sent me about thre weeks ago asking "when can I see you again?". We have been broken up since 2002 and he just pops up from time to time. He emails me like nothing has happened and texts me out of the blue. I refuse to change my number (so many people have this number, I've had it for ten years). I cannot change my email address, it is my work email address so that's that. I don't understand why he is not getting the picture. I have moved on. I tried to be nice at first but eventually got nasty and that still didn't work. I hope your ex gets the picture with this letter.
As the old folks say: "You never miss your water till your well runs dry" He misses that "awesomeness" that was the two of you real bad!!! No matter who or what he does he knows it will never measure up and he wants you back.
2002?! Wow. Mine is from '07 which I thought was over the top.
ah...exes and closure.
i've been umm..blessed to have many of the ex-dudes (not just ex-boyfriends) try to boomerang back into my life.
closure is important but some overrate it and some underrate it. you got yours. he didnt get his.
but he certainly did now!
Yes ma'am. Sign it, send it, file it away. This is how you say done!
Sigh. I wish I could've had some of those "personal interactions with one of my exes (if you could even call them that). Just to see (or feel) what they're like. But yeah, you sure told this dude, lol
Wow....some people don't miss their water till the well runs dry. I had to write one of those letters via email....maybe not as scathing as yours...lol.....but he got the point. Now it's only an occasional "hello" instead of the constant "I need to talk to you". Maybe one day people will learn if you have someone good you better hold on to them.
Send his emails to spam and don't return his calls. And call the cops if he shows up.
Let's just say I've been blessed to have many boomerang exes. It's like the harder you try to get them out of your life they keep persisting. It took my last longterm ex (we were together for 3 years) over a year to finally get it that there was no more "us". He'd call, text, email, come from Atlanta to MD to visit, send gifts but he still didn't get it. I guess part of it was my fault because I tried to go back to being just friends with him but he took that as a step back into my life. Eventually, I had to shut him down once and for all. While there are times I miss him and our relationship I know our breaking up was for the best. You live and you learn.
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