When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:11
I have witnessed so many displays of utter childishness from supposedly grown folks lately that I knew I had to fit this post into BnB Are You Ready? week.
All of us are over the age of 21 (as least 19, if not please take your young behinds to the next blog. Kthxbi!), but not all of us are grown-ups. In case you haven't figured it out yet, being grown up has its plusses and perks… but it also kind of sucks. So much so that folks tend not to want to embrace their grown-folk-ness. In case you're wondering just how grown you are… here's some of my criteria:
Being a grown-up means…
- Learning how to do things for your darn self: Alas, I know how to install a ceiling fan, kill spiders, take out the trash, stop the toilet from running and pay my own bills. These are things I have had to learn to do. Sure, it would be great to have someone to do things for me. But sometimes you have to learn to stand on your own two feet. As a grown-up you should be able to cook at least one meal, clean your own house/clothes and balance a checkbook. No it's not sexy but it's grown. Also, stop looking to everyone for validation and affirmation before you make a move. You're a grown up now, decide on a course of action… and take it.
- Learning that you cannot always have your way: Sorry, this is true. Things don't always go your way and pouting is only cute on 4-year olds. And by go your way I also mean you won't always get the last word, have the final say or put your foot down and have it stick. You are only King/Queen of yourself, no one else is subject to your whims and wishes. I know this is harsh but wouldn't you rather hear it from me? [P.S. Tantrums as SO not sexy. Learn to lose with grace.]
- Even more real – learning that good things don't always come your way: Some folks are fortunate to lead charmed lives but it's quite the comeuppance when they realize the entire world isn't made of fairy dust and rainbows. Similarly, we all have to learn that not everybody has your best interests at heart. They really don't. There are some people in this world, some closer than you think, that have very bad intentions. Bad things happen, roll with it. No you are not entitled to have all the world has to offer placed at your feet, you generally have to work for that.
- Your actions have repercussions (sometimes you have to pay the piper): There comes a point in time when there is no one there to bail you out. Chickens do come home to roost. And you always reap what you sow. Karma is a grown folks' kick in the ass. The sooner you come to grips with it the better. This means you have to take responsibility for the crap you do. You break a heart/window/promise – you apologize/pay for it/make amends. Don't expect other people to swoop in and clean up your messes.
- At some point, it's really just you: You are gonna have to stop blaming everyone else for your trials and dilemmas. Eventually, if your world keeps going to hell in a hand basket… you had something to do with sending it there. If you keep losing friends due to trifling blow-ups and beefs, guess what boo-boo… that's on you. You're always______ <- - fill in the blank (alone, unhappy, having drama, getting into trouble, getting fired)? First time's a coincidence, second time's a pattern, everything else is a trend that you set in motion. Oh also, if you are over 25… it's time to stop blaming Mom and Dad for your jacked up life. Sorry your childhood wasn't perfection... time to get over it. You're still here, make peace with the past and get on with living the rest of your life.
- Learning that you're not always right: Dear Lord, if I had a dollar for every time grown folk won't just agree to disagree and retreat to their separate corners… I'd be blogging from my private villa in Barbados right about now. There are some people that are determined to argue their point (even if they are wrong) to the death. Growing means learning that everyone is entitled to their opinion (right or wrong) and moving it along. I say the sky is blue, do you need to argue about the shade? Azure vs. cerulean? Sometimes being a grown up means knowing when to STFU… I say this with the love. L-O-V-E.
- Learning to treat people with respect and dignity: Do I really have to explain this one? Apparently so. Having witnessed the buffoonery going on in Washington, apparently people need a refresher on stepping up Golden Rule game. Do onto others and all that… Respect of elders, common courtesy… any of that ringing a bell? Le Sigh.
- Learning to keep your word: I was tempted to type that one in a flaming font but I thought that would be overkill. And this one is self-explanatory and in need of no embellishment. Speak true, people. Back up your words with corresponding action.
- Learning to accept yourself: Sure, you're an ever evolving being but in a lot of ways, you is how you gonna be. Yeah, I said it. Embrace it. Own it. Love it. Live it. Make it work!
- If you can't learn to accept others: Keep it to yourself.
I could go on… and on… and on. (I may have gotten a little rant on) But I shan't. Instead, I'll ask you BougieLand – what do you have to add to the list? Thoughts, comments on my list? The floor is yours…
41 comments:
Agree completely. There are two mental tasks I have been working on lately. The first is learning to let go. In my case, it would letting go of anger and regret and missed opportunities. The second is identifying when people are pushing my buttons and learning to circumvent it. I find it remarkable that so many people seem trained to push my buttons. It is as if it is written on my forehead... say/do this and Sarah will go into a panic or be afraid or feel insecure. Etc. Etc. The logical part of my brain has firmly declared that Enough is Enough.
Closure - is not something that you need from other people. you have the power to give it to yourself. when a relationship is over, it's over. we don't need to meet, text, email, or Facebook to discuss why it's over. it's over. obviously both of us weren't feeling each other. the longer i wait for you to give me closure the more power you have over my life. i may never understand, but i don't have to understand all the reasons why its over. closure so often means that either you want someone to provide a balm for your pain or you want them to come back.
I saw number 1 and had to go ahead and comment. How hard is it to learn how to do stuff for yourself? Am I alone in thinking that it's great to have someone who will change a lightbulb for you, but it's not all that bad to know how yourself, just.in.case?
Oh and number 4? The 2 words my kids are going to learn early are "consequences" and "repercussions." They will know what they mean in a very personal way. You make your decision, you live with the consequences and repercussions and that's the long and short of it.
On number 5, my BFF and I have a saying "It's me..." meaning, when we keep running into the same issue over and over (like we find ourselves griping about the say types of people) we say, "It must be us" or "It must be me" because we're the common denominator in all those situations. Look at self, FIRST.
The only thing I'd add is "Make your own decisions" - there's nothing at all wrong with seeking advice and taking all the sides into consideration but people want me to MAKE decisions for them. No, boo. Not at all. Why? Because I don't have to deal with the (say it with me) "consequences and repercussions" of whatever decision so you need to do that yourself. ::sigh::
6 -- well, we talked about 6 already. Not only will you not always be right, but sometimes you'll be required to say (deep breath now) "I was wrong" GASP! Funny thing is, you'll live. I promise.
I wholeheartedly agree with each point and would add: enlighten yourself and be able to hold an adult conversation. Repeating 'Are you serious?' 'Fa real/F'rill' 'Shut up!' over and over is NOT conversation. A roomful of people in a social setting trying to one-up each other with the latest electronic "crack" devices is not quality social interaction. Neither is constantly texting through an entire gathering or allowing your ignorant ringtone to interrupt a funeral or church service. If you a drive car you can't afford, your rent is too high and you have to have that latest phone, etc, etc. but cannot afford it on your own, it is not okay to borrow money from other people every month! That aint grown.
Already grown!
Can I get a witness up in BnB today? YESSS!!! Can you please print up t-shirts that say "You Is How You Gonna Be" on the front and "Deal With It" on the back?
*slow hand clap* "Grown-folk-ness" needs a shout out all of it's own. I would add that grown folks need to quit literally speaking like children. You are a grown ass man/woman, stop sounding like junior high.
Number FIVE!!!! Just had this conversation with a friend of mine, playing the perennial victim is NOT the hotness.
Oh Lordy, who done tore off and ticked you off... LOL! I think we all know some people will NEVER grow up. They either don't have to or don't want to. But you gotta quit dropping truth like this... speaking to the spirit today!
Someone please round up my co-workers and force them to read each of these out loud and repeat until memorized.
My newest Mental Michele Game is "Do I take this at face value?" - I'm trying to be a little less cynical about people's motives... but then again...
I confess I don't want to do any of those things. I just want to go home, eat a bowl of cap'n crunch, watch Ducktales and then go outside and play basketball. Now THAT is the life.
I only want to be "grown" between the hours of 9pm and 7:30am.
Amen and Amen!
Co-Sign with Mr. A, I would much rather rock my Peter Pan vibe. Grown-n-Sexy ain't all it's cracked up to me.
Dare I ask what happens between 9pm and 7:30am?
It wasn't one thing... it was several. You know how it is
Sure you can ask. Grown Folk's bidness happens btwn 9pm and 730am. Practicing making more babies that don't want to grow up.
My uncle used to tell his wife "I'm taking off my grown man pants for the rest of the day, woman!" This was generally followed by him posting up in his lazyboy drinking beer and watching sports. To his credit, when he put them on, they were ON.
I would imagine that now that you are becoming something of a celebrity being a published author and all :-) that a fair amount of cynicism is probably a good thing or perhaps analytical skepticism would be a better term.
Oh, um - well alrighty then...
yeah, yeah, i know it sounds shallow...but i'd be lying if I didn't say that's a big part of why and when I want to be grown.
*hangs head in shame...until 9 o'clock*
You kinda waltzed right into that one, sweetheart. LOL!
I like to think I am, but I could probably use some improvement. My number 2 is shaky.
I like this. I feel like I spend so much time being a grown up every now nad then I just want to sit and regress. I have water colors and puzzles and an Etch-A-Sktch - yes I do! And I just unplug.
Best thing about being a grown-up: grown folk bizness. Folks need to get some and stay outta mine.
Ain't no shame in the game. Have you read OneChele's book? I'm no longer fooled by the good girl act. Umm-hmm... I'd like to see some BnB After Dark posts. <--Grown and sexxxy
I'm an admirer of this blog and don't usually comment, but I just have to say Amen! Amen! and Amen! My son's father, at 26, is a huge offender of most of these rules. Can't keep a job, always blaming others for his failures and shortfalls, daddy/mommy issues, etc. I wish I could print this out and give it to him, but his immature self would only take it negatively. To add, I've also found that the ones that are constantly hollering, "I'm a grown a** man/woman" usually are the ones with the most growing up to do.
Oh word? Forreal? Lemme find out. *looking at OneChele through a different set of eyes*
Exactly this ^^^
He (or she) who screams loudest generally is the guilty party.
LOL @ Bouge on Blast...
I love this post. Put in on a flyer and pass it out to the masses. That is all.
I love your list and I agree completely. People really need to grow up for their own good. Seriously.
My addition: Learn to have boundaries- I really do not want to hear what you did last night. Or the size you want your breast implants. I DON'T CARE. Or when people start integrating you as though it's their duty to know about your personal life. None of your damn business. Geesh, I don't like it when people do this. Please stop. :(
Yes! Filters needed.
Co-sign, loving the Are you Ready week posts.
Man I have missed reading your blog. I need to keep it up and quit letting my time get away from me. Learn that sometimes it is no one else's fault but your own and that you can not sit around and blame others for your bad luck.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com
Could this list please be distributed to everyone over the age of 18?
great comment.
How 'bout staying up to date with the world around you? I'm starting to realise that I *have* to read, watch, or listen to the news. It sucks, btw :(
OneChele love the blog as always but being grown has nothing do with age I recently turned 2o and I was grown from sixteen (maybe because my parents taught me about the real world from young) I have been paying my college tuition and working at a bank from I was 17. I was not surprised when my peers were not on my level because obviously I am not the norm but when I started dating men 15-28 years my senior and they still do not have their shiznizz together UGGHHH I could faint! Like what have you been doing all your life. So let my add to your list for women and men, Grown people do not gossip because we have little time left after trying to take over the world ourselves to wallow in such gutters ( I have had women twice my age gossip about me in the workplace because I got a promotion, I am like really? Keep it moving. Grown people do acquire assets that appreciate rather than depreciate, if the only thing you own "son" is a car on rims and a gold tooth (gold might be raising but sure not that plaque that is accumulating on it! Please keep it moving. Grown woman hair is not hard as rock and styled like a ferris wheel. Grown people do not have to use the popular slang that is now out, please do keep that for the kiddies! Grown people do dress age and size appropriate- really self explanatory. Anyway girl let me go before I run on but love the blog!
Accept that you are not going to live forever; time will have its due. Therefore, stop wasting it! Sloth is a mortal sin for a reason.
number 10 is right on.
Cant tell you the number of times I have met ppl who feel so remorseful they used to hate XYZ group of ppl
until that one XYZ showed them that they were wrong. I used to think it was commendable until It was someone I cared about.
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