"Chivalry is dead and Prince Charming fell off his charger years ago…" ~Renee Nightengale, character from Heard It All Before by Michele Grant (me!)
Okay, don't shoot me… I absolutely don't feel this way today but I definitely did during a super bitter phase I went through twelve years ago when I first wrote the opening line to my first book, Heard It All Before. As a matter of fact, reading over the book now is like visiting an old friend that you still find entertaining after all this time. Flipping through it to prep for an interview this week it made me wonder… if I could go back to Michele from early 1998 – what would I tell her? She was living in Northern California having a fine old time. It was the tech boom and everyone was making money. Even people that weren't trying to make money were making money. Life (as I knew it) was good and uncomplicated. So what would I tell myself assuming I don't want to end up exactly where I am today? (Which , by the way, is not a bad place) After quite a bit of thought… here's my list of what I wold say to myself:
- Quit dating THAT guy and date that OTHER guy instead. Seriously Michele, I know you don't think I know what I'm talking about but I do. You only think you're destined to be with Dude One but you are really, really not. As a matter of fact just run away now. Change your number, don't answer the door and just say no. I'm telling you this for your own good.
- Life is too short to keep friends who give nothing back. Stop trying.
- Men mature when they mature. A guy may have it all together at 28 or be a complete mess at 40. That's just how it works. Recognize which is which and act accordingly.
- Geeks will be rock stars, air-headed heiresses will rule the airways and a black man will be president in your lifetime. Yes of the United States. Of America. Seriously. Just brace yourself.
- Quit working at telecom and technology companies. They will only break your heart. It's 1998 and it's all sexy IPO right now… it won't last. Go to healthcare or biotech or insurance or media if you must stay in Human Resources. And speaking of that…
- Get out of Human Resources. Yeah it's paid the bills but you've been talking about writing since you were 8 years old. Why don't you try now? Yes, right now. Do not be wooed by consultant dollars and sexy titles. Just get published. Yes, you're good enough.
- Sell all those tech stocks in January 2000. Put the money in your Rollover IRA and diversify the portfolio. No energy stocks, no hedge funds, no credit companies. Just trust me on this. Remember these: Google, Palm, Pfizer Viagra, Sony Wii. Write 'em down. Oh - and copyright usage of the word "bling" immediately, don't worry about what it means. Just do it.
- That huge plastic replica of the Eiffel Tower that they fill up with daiquiri and serve poolside at Paris – Las Vegas? Don't drink it. But if you DO drink it, do not follow it up with the apple martini luge. I'm trying to save you from yourself here.
- There is such a thing as metabolism, you have been ignoring yours. It will slow. This will mean more intimacy with a treadmill than you ever thought possible. Embrace it.
- Last but most importantly, move home to Texas now. California will always be here, your Dad won't.
I wonder if I would have listened to me. Okay, I would've listened but I wonder what I would have changed and what I would've ignored? Intriguing questions I can only speculate on until someone builds a time machine.
So I ask you – if you could go back say 5 or 10 years and tell yourself ONE thing only… what would it be?
58 comments:
You can't please everyone, just be your authentic self & everything else leave to something bigger than you.
Oh, I have some hindsight is 20/20 moments as well. First on the list is "Do you see that big, shapely behind right there? Look at it. Savor the moment. Then run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
If I could go back 12 years I would have never messed with "guy" and then I wouldn't have been the perfect teenage statistic that my friends tell their daughters, you can get pregnant the first time. Secondly I would have hit my other 2 kids father with the hammer I had in my car and told him to step. And I probably would have dated the should ave could have guy, that i talk to every single day.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com
I would've told 2005 A.Smith...
The stress... the stress is SOOOOOOOOO not worth it. It won't ever be. He won't ever be better, especially not if you stay.
What I wonder, though, is if I would've listened.
First, could you please explain a little more about what an Apple Martini luge might be?
Second, I would tell my younger self not to sweat the small stuff, enjoy spending time with family and remember a job is just a job. Would I have taken any heed, not sure.....
Go to college out of state. Never, ever stop working out hardcore. Date another guy before getting married. Buy a condo, not a house. Travel A LOT more. Go to your best friend's wedding, NO MATTER WHAT. Do not get a dog. Stop spending so much money. Be carefree like your kid brother...you will have PLENTY of time to deal with grown-up stuff. Spend much more time with your grandmother. Forget the past you had with your father and build a new relationship, he needs it as much as you do. Have a location wedding.
I like this one. *clapping* I would say - finish school now. Stay in church. Listen to your mother - she's actually right about almost everything!
Hidi,
Hug and kiss your grandmother a little longer, sit and talk with her a little longer and cook for her one more time. You might not see her the next time you return to her house, but you will be able to feel her presence and remember the sweet memories you too shared and smile at the memory of her beautiful smile, which you inherited from her. RIP mi abuelita :) I miss u sooo much! {wiping eyes}
Condoms really do break. Diapers and formula cost a grip. Baby Mama Drama ain't no joke. And you will love your daughter more than you ever thought possible.
Yep! My variant is: Don't worry about things you have no control over.
Why am I not surprised that your 20/20 moment involves a booty!? LOL!
I would say - move to LA sooner. Take your sister with you. Shoes don't pay the rent. Slow down and take a breath!
Le Sigh, we could all use at least one "Stop - Do Not Proceed" warning flag in the relationship department.
Credit cards are the devil wrapped in plastic. Save more, spend less.
That's real!
Great post...
IF I could go back 10 years, I would tell myself to finish school and start my own business sooner.
I know, I wonder if it would be like Groundhog Day where you have to do it over and over again until you get it right?
They take an ice sculpture, drill holes in the top, pour the vodka... never mind. Just run the other direction if ever you see one.
I would tell myself to stop worrying baut yesterday, tomorrow is already here. Nothing you say can change people whoa re determined not to change. Throwing good money after bad never works.
Chele - are you gonna smack me if I say that 12 years ago I was 12 years old and I wasn't listening to anything but MTV? But reading all of these recommendations from others I'm glad I hang out here - so far I've learned not to sweat small stuff, not make a job my life, no controlling men, stay away from credit cards, work out more and look forward never back. Now - to incorporate that into every living!
Extraño a mi abuela también!
Been lurking for a while but I really like what you've done this week. This is a great concept. I spoke with some friends recently who said they would love to go back to their 20s, I don't know about a do-over but I wouldn't mind giving myself a stern talking to - I'd tell myself to stop strutting, stop talking when I don't know what I'm saying and stop pretending like there are no long term consequences for un-thought-out answers. But I bet I wouldn't have listened. I was sure I knew everything.
Ditto.
Where would you have had your destination wedding? Out of curiosity...
mi abuela fue mi héroe y la echo de menos todos los días
Beliz or DR or Greece.
DR is so amazingly breathtaking and I love the food, plus I have family there.
Belize is part of my husband's ancestry and he's always wanted to go there
Greece because we both have always wanted to travel there...have you seen the isles?!! Amazing.
Aw... Estoy triste ahora con los recuerdos. Pero también feliz
Since Charlie came out of Lurkerville, I guess I will too. I would tell myself to SLOW. DOWN.
Greece is on my list. DR I love. BougieSis and I are planning a spa vacay there sometime this spring.
no llorar. ser feliz! Es viernes
I will tell myself to eat breakfast every morning like the father unit insisted... instead of shooting my metabolism dead like I did. *shrug*... Lol!
I would have gone to Russia and eventually NY or DC after graduating college instead of returning home and wasting a perfectly good degree. And I would have followed my first mind when it came to my daughter's father.
If I could go back 5 years I would tell myself to take a year off between undergrad and the 5 year dual degree Masters program in that dreary Midwest city.
If I could go back five years, I would tell myself to
1) Leave THAT GUY alone — answering the phone now will lead to repeated and unnecessary hook ups and heartbreaks, and he will still be the same fickle jerk he is now.
2) Know your worth. Be proud of where you are and know how much you can accomplish.
3) It's okay to enjoy yourself some. College is the time to get involved and connect with others, especially all those other dark brown faces scattered about UT's massive campus. Going to a few more campus events and have fun, the people don't bite
4) Don't be so quick to hop on 290 and head home. Fam will always be there (and sometimes those ungrateful Negros will work your nerve so you'll never want to go back...until you do :)
5) Maybe you SHOULD go ahead and get that double major in PR, or at least pick up your teacher's certification. Newspapers are a fickle market.
6) Remember those dreams that spurred you to college in the first place. Hold tight to them. Even if they don't materialize right away, as long as they still beat true in your heart, there's still time to accomplish them.
7) More than once, your career will banish you to some God forsaken small-town with seemingly no malls or decent entertainment options. It. Will. Be. Okay. One of those towns will bring you a great set of friends and your Prince Charming, so long as you don't bail too quickly.
8) You tend to worry and stress a bit much. Stop that.
9) Just because some credit card company wants to give you a ridiculously large credit limit does not mean you should spend all willy-nilly. Be more careful about how you spend your money. You'll still be paying for it five years from now.
10) Allow yourself to let go, be free and just love life!
Hmm, did we date the same "THAT GUY" - cuz there are sounding REAL similar ;-)
Dear y2k self,
You are only 20 years old. Finish school!!!! Even if you are heartbroken and home sick, finish school. Macy's, Rich's, Express, Ny & Co. and those folks at VISA are not your friend. They WILL COME FOR YOU! Live on campus and be more involved(most people don't bite!) Don't involve yourself with any of those rebounds. You are giving pieces of your soul away and you can never get all of it back. They are not worthy! Stop looking so serious you have an amazingly beautiful smile! It scares people off( They eventually say so.) Maintain those friendships...LOVE YOURSELF MORE
Dear 2005 Self,
As soon as you come from the doctor for your 20 week visit, put "everything he owns in a box to the left." You will believe in his potential but he will never live up to it. Froggy will never change. Fight for your autonomy!!!!! Don't buy that big ass house. You won't need all that space anytime soon. Smile more and have fun!
Love it!!!
I would tell my past self to not worry about anything that will come ahead. Everything will happen for a reason. I'll even posit that you wouldn't either, Chele. After all we wouldn't have the blog we all enjoy if you did.
Le Sigh... you are probably right.
New friend here via ABIB. Kudos to you Michele - I love your blog. 5 yrs ago I would tell myself
1 - Trust your gut! If it doesn't feel right - DON'T DO IT
2- He, the one you thought was the one, isn't.
3- Your hubby to be is one of your closest friends, hidden in plain sight. He is all you are looking for in a man. Don't resist when he makes his move
4-Moving to Asia will be one of the best things that has ever happened to you. Don't be scared when things that you planned don't work out and you are faced with this decision. God has better vision :)
1) After the first time I broke up with HIM, I would have walked away and not look back instead of wasting valuable time breaking up only to get back together just because the relationship was "comfortable".
2) I wouldn't have signed up for the credits cards they offered back in college for a free t-shirt. I would have paid the bills instead of acting like it was free money and everyday was Xmas.
3) I would have worried less and not sweat the small stuff and realized that everything happens for a reason.
That's real blogging for you.
1) Would most definitely have told myself don't chase doe or dames. The only "D" worth chasing is dreams.
2) I also would have told myself to love harder. Sometimes being direct and forthright can save someone's confidence or life in the long run, despite the hurt feelings at first. You can't always be nice.
3) The rest, I'll keep to myself for now. Don't want to hurt any feelings. :)
Welcome and thanks!
LOL - discretion is always greatly appreciated ;-)
These are gospel truth.
I would tell myself:
1.Get a divorce, now! You married his family, not him. He will never grow up, you can't make him.
2. Go see about that nagging pain in your pelvic area, it is not going away.
3. Write the book, write the book, write the book.
4. Love you first.
Don't need the drama. :)
I really thought about the answer to this. The entire response is on my blog....
But to answer her question...If I could go back 5 to 10 years, what would I tell myself? I really struggle with the answer. It would be nice to go back and tell myself to change my major, or not to date a particular person, or not to drive 30 miles over the speed limit (really bad idea, btw). It makes so much more sense in hindsight, right? But that's exactly it. I remember watching Benjamin Button and this quote stuck with me, "We understand life backwards, but we must live it forward". When you realize how your experiences have shaped you and the way you view the world...then it all makes sense. It would be nice to wipe away bad experiences and mistakes. (Trust me... I wish I could erase large chunks of my life.) Bad experiences make you appreciate the good times. And when you make mistakes, you grow from them. In life, you have to accept the good with the bad...no matter how sad or painful the bad is.
The more that I think about it... what if it's like The Butterfly Effect and the foresight would change the trajectory of my life. So I guess what I'm trying to say is....I love the person who I've become. If I have to accept my bad experiences and mistakes then I will. If I could go back, I probably wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't want to tamper with the person I've become.
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