Earlier this week, we talked about a former friend of mine who "de-friended" me on Facebook. It got me thinking – what would it take for me to "de-friend" somebody? I don't know. I went through and deleted folks on Twitter if I hadn't "talked" to them in more than 90 days or had no clue who they were. My Facebook is a little different; I'm not as active on there. My account is a combination of people I know, people who have read my book and people that were recommended to me. So it would take something out of the box for me to dive in and give people the boot. The obvious answer is if that the person is not someone you want to be friends with. I thought I'd go a little deeper. After a little consideration, here are the top 5 reasons I would "de-friend" someone on Facebook:
- Over-sharing: I tend to scan through status updates so anytime the only thing I know about you is how great your sex life is or who hates you at you job or when your "boo" gets paroled… no bueno. And as long as we are talking about over-sharing, let's discuss the naked, half-naked, booty-out pics. I understand some of you are very proud about the way you look wearing a feathered thong. (This applies for the fellas too. As a side note, there is no reason for a man to ever own a thong. I meant it) Moving on, if your new profile pics shows more booty than a Trina video... that's more information than I need… ever. So if you feel the need to express yourself through semi-nude photos, I'll have to let you go.
- Over-inundating: Every day with the gifts and drinks and games and hearts and meals and farms and mafia invites and sorority invites… please stop. It's great if that's your thing. Good for you. If I have yet to accept one of the 20 cocktails you've sent… just move on. Everybody gets ONE suggestion, maybe two. You can suggest a friend or a post or a group you think may interest me. But not every day. And please don't suggest that I friend all 1,417 of your friends one at a time. Oh, and for dude celebrating his sixteenth day of celibacy, I didn't need an invite to his "Eff these hoes" party next Saturday. (People, I can't make this stuff up) Long story short, if I find myself overly bombarded by your games, announcements, suggestions and gifts- I'm done.
- Bad Choice in Groups: Okay, this might hurt some feelings. I know folks like to express themselves with the groups they join, God Bless them. But if you join a group named "I Love Head" or "I'm Too Sexxxy For ALL You B*tches", I'm gonna have to cut ya. Sorry.
- Advertising: I know Social Media is the new Yellow Pages/Classified Ads all wrapped into one but come on people. Some of you take that hustle thing a little too far. Give me a second to think about buying your book, video, CD before you ask again. And again. And again. When your hustle clogs up my feed to the point that I can't see anything else… I'm going to have to let you go.
- Language: Last but not least, watch your language. You know Facebook is basically a public forum, especially with the way they have jacked up the privacy settings. Here's my rule: Look at what you've typed and read it out loud as if you were reading to a PG-13 crowd. If you have to "bleep" yourself every other word… that's too much profanity. Embrace a diverse vocabulary. Please and thank you. Otherwise… yep, I'll have to let you go.
As I was wrapping up writing this, someone sent me a quiz with an xxx-rated picture entilted "Are you a freak or just weak?" INSTANT DEFRIENDING! BougieLand, what do you think? What would cause you to give a Facebook friend the kick?
46 Bougie Thought(s):
Crazy. bombastic status updates all day long. I actually have someone in mind as I write this but cant defriend them because it will be noticed in that foodie circle I belong too. The person is coming across as just too much .
My all time favorite FB friend request was the well packaged man who's profile photo was of his lower front half that left little to the imagination. :-) Who very kindly included a long letter with his friend request detailing how he was looking for a wife and a stepmother to his 14 year old daughter. I passed on the offer and the friendship.
And lord help me, I am so tired of mafiaville, farmville, fishville, littlewhoville, cafeville, iheartsville, etc. If I unfriended everyone who was playing one of these games, I'd have one, maybe two friends. :-)
Been there done that. As I am in media now I can't do that anymore. Those crude, over- sharing persons are my fans. lol I want to delete them so bad though! Here is the thing I actually contemplated making a fake facebook account and adding all my friend so that I can tell them things I want to say like how about constantly "being in a relationship then being single" and over sharing that there boyfriend left them, or having ten million pics with their beau while he has none of her, or putting pics up that they shouldn't, does a pic which caption is, "Me just waking up" sound like anything you want the world to see!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhh but I digress and move on.
I had to cut a good friend loose once because of things. He wanted to drop the F bomb all the time. I my real facebook page, I have family members and everyone kept asking who the idiot was that couldn't spell and had to curse all the time. It seemed as if he didn't want to grow up so I had to defriend. Since then Ihave gotten several requests from him and a few nasty emails because I dropped him. It's like do you think being nasty to me is going to bring you back to my page? No. So that good friend is no more unfortunately. Dayum this facebook.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com
I just de-friended somebody yesterday, for stalking my friend list. I'd noticed it before, lately everytime someone friended me she'd friend them or at least try. I get networking. I've recommended that people become fb to expand their network but this was different. This person was clearly watching my fb activity and mimicking it. So I felt I had no choice but to cut the b#$@%
IF ALL OF YOUR STATUS CHANGES ARE TYPED LIKE THIS IN ALL CAPS....I feel like you're yelling at me...sorry you get de-friended, I can't with all that yelling.
All the games make me crazy. WTF with that?!?!
Great topic, OneChele...
You're definitely right: the MafiaFarmSorors kill me softly and it was a quick way to get an axe... until Facebook allowed you to refuse those applications.
Currently anyone who types like this: no mo miiss niice lady...iim gettiin miine too...tiime iis $$$...iit iis what iit iis...KeEp Da FaiiTh - gets the size 12 to the door....
LOL at this post! So true....
I may be considered a bit of the oversharing (just flirtatious comments to my husband because I had it linked to my twitter so my tw-updates were getting through to the facebook) but for the most part I just try to make people laugh. This post was right on time. It sounds like Facebook is "Myspacing" right now in the sense that those games and now the comments are killing it. What killed Myspace, and what will Facebook, is the lack of personal interaction. When pages became more private, leaving others to overshare and use the tackiest communications (ie those blingee comments), not to mention the constant solicitations which gave the illusion that people weren't really out to get to know you, Myspace jumped the shark. Facebook did for me already. I like Twitter, but I really like Tumblr.
Yes! I have someone who is doing the most on FB. I am DYING to defriend but cannot for professional reasons. Aargh.
Girl, Facebook is cutthroat, you hear? People will fight you over your friend status. Had someone call me up the other day - Why you won't accept my friend request? Maybe because I don't want to be friends with you!
I'm at a loss on the full frontal for Facebook. So basically he was using his d! and his daughter as bait. #HOLLAFAIL
Right on the money on this one.
Believe me, I know. There are folks I would love to cut but they are readers and potential buyers - Le Sigh.
The problem for me is that I use FB both business and personal, that means I have to be careful that my friends "Who I Smashed Last Night" nonsense doesn't mingle with my "Jason,can you submit a bid for this project" business. I think I"m going to follow your example Chele and set up separate pages. Folks don't know how to act.
Facebook: slaying friends and relationships on the regular.
I would separate them if I were you. I did as well because my business associates did not need to see my second cousin doing stripper aerobics in her basement. For that matter, neither did I but at least I'm obligated by family to put up with it...
On the professional side, as long as people keep it PG, they can stay friended. On the personal side, I have to know them in real life to friend them. Well, real life or the blogosphere.
Very Michael Corleone of you #Fredohadtogo LOL!
I had a married couple in for counseling last night and yes - FACEBOOK was at the root of their drama.
Did you just break off a Godfather reference in the middle of the Bougie Blog?! <<<Cool points.
I can't take the constant status updates. I don't need a running commentary of your every waking moment. "Just woke up" "Great shower" "French Toast" "Traffic Jam" "Early meeting" "Bathroom Break" - ENOUGH!
That is a general peeve of mine anywhere things are typewritten - all caps = screaming. Stop screaming please. WE BEG OF YOU!
Do people not know that each picture they post can be copied and pasted anywhere? I am of the belief that is never a good idea to share naked pictures of oneself online.
I de-friended my ex. I waited until six months after the break up but it still caused a mess.
FTW! I have blocked all apps from my page. My fiance is a Farmville addict (he's always harvesting and building chicken coops and shit) but I won't play with him. I have a list of about 200 ppl who can only see my pictures. Buncha folks are hidden. I did a purge of about 60 ppl a few months ago but it didnt seem to do any good as I have replaced them with 60 more folks.
I will say that people have commented that they like coming to my page because I like to post articles that I've read on the web. I do that a lot. That makes me feel good.
Cosign! My last delete: Ay gets dat $$$, son - No dat. No dat 4 real. dolla$ and draws dat's me all day. <<<Instant Defriend.
Yes, I cut the last person who explained - His bidness was hoes and hoes was his bidness. Fool, bye.
That's because you are being informational. :-) If you were re-posting YouTubes of aspiring rappers (at age 35) that would something else altogether different <<< my biggest peeve.
You have to do it all in the same day. Break up, defriend, return stuff, remove from cell phone. Like the Band-Aid, just rip it all off at once.
I do like Tumblr. Though I don't use mine very much. Too much social media, so little time...
True!
Size 12 you say? #justaskin'
I agree with everything you said here, but it's kind of weird when the spamer, or half naked picture poster is your family member. How do you de-friend them???? Would de-friending them come up at the next family reunion and you look like the bad one???
If you weren't the one naked on Facebook, you cannot look like the bad one. Spam you can forgive. Nekkidity? Uh-uh, fam - c'mon now. TMI
haha you know I am all over this with you. I hate those statuses where people try to be philosophical and introspective about something mundane in their life or inappropriate.
For instance..."He may have trampled on me ten times while sniffing another flower in the garden, but someone will come along and pick me so I can grow with their rays of love"
I also dislike the whole "let's have nicknames as my real name that don't even apply to me" crap.
Examples: Jamal "Too Rich Fo B****es Jones"
"QueenSexy Chocolate" Davis
Lisa "Bust It Baby" Daniels.
Ray "KingPimpBallin" Smith
Not a good look
ROTFL...I am new to facebook. One of my cousins is notorious for updating his status constantly. I'm like dude..Do I really need to know that you are walking to work in the snow??? LOL I'm trying to keep my friends list to a minimum. I'm not trying to have 200 friends at all. :)
LMAO at QueenSexy Chocolate and KingPimpBallin - Hilarity!
although i do believe in say whatcha wanna, but, i just deleted someone for shouting out the crips in his status
and folks' lives are so dependent on fb, its sad, we're out on a date...and ur updating everyone on fb about it, u cook a great meal for meal, every on fb knows what u cooked; we have great sex, you tell everyone how you just performed something from a porno and whats everyone's fave sex position
ur corny, i'm hiding my wall, oh shit, you hid your wall to
..sigh...
I would go farther OneChele. I don't want to know about your bowel habits. I really don't care that you are missing your boyfriend/girlfriend. Oh, and I really can't believe that you are playing some Facebook game and looking for x, y or z. Why should I care? Seriously. Finally, I know that you and your wife are busy but communicating thru facebook is kinda crazy, isn't it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-eJQ1mTVzA
the song is "I can't get behind that"...if it can be called a song since it *is* William Shatner....but still on par with the topic... xD enjoy!
Not throwing gang signs on Facebook?! Yes, that's too much gangsta.
Jason - allow me to introduce you to Linked In (it's Facebook but for the professional). I have my accounts set up so that people I work with and have professional affiliations are all on Linked In. All the personal friends and connections are on Facebook and never the twain shall meet.
This is too funny! Your "de-friend" rules is why 99.9% of my Facebook "friends" are family and friends that I have known (and enjoyed knowing) 10+ years. I have some family members still sitting in the friend request queue...
I think you're facebook friends with one of my cousins (who I want to de-friend so badly). :-X
I was totally shocked when a "friend" on facebook befriended me because I told her the reason I am single may be due to my high standards. When I suggested the reason she may be single is because her standards may be too high too, she then stated that she had lowered her standards in the past and wasn't going there anymore. I said okay and told her she would probably remain singe. That's when she went off on me and befriended me. Some people don't like the truth.
I meant to say defriend, instead of befriend in my comment. lol
Post a Comment