I hate discussing Black Hair. Hate, hate, hate it. But unfortunately, I opened the door with the whole LSLHBBNA* thing
yesterday so now I must go in. Pardon me if I meander around the point. Stay with me.
I'm positive that the hair on your head serves some sort of purpose beyond decoration, I don't know what it is and I don't care. I'm also sure there was some evolutionary, genealogical reason that some races have ABC kind of hair while others have DEF hair. This is all science and beyond my knowledge. My question is… what's the big deal about hair?
My father had a huge issue with hair. He believed women should grow their hair out and never cut it. At some point between my sophomore and junior year of college, I whacked all of hair off to see what it would be like. He freaked out. So did my boyfriend at the time. It was as my haircut was a total betrayal of them. I quickly realized that I hated the inability to rock a ponytail at will and short hair, though cute is HARD WORK. So I began the business of growing my hair back out. (Rocked a really cute flip during the grow out phase) About five years after that I went to this stylist everyone was raving about. I wanted my hair cut into layers with some idea in my head that I could wear it straight or curly. Instead he scalped me. I cut such a fool in that place they not only told me "no charge" they wanted to offer free services from anyone else in the shop for the rest of the year. No thank you butchers.
I was travelling about 80% of the time then and the thought of carting around a flat iron, two curling irons and a carry-on full of hairdo-right-by-me products was more than I could stand. I decided to try a weave. I kept it in for quite a while and when I took it out not only had my hair grown out very long, it was a completely different texture. So I had a completely different head of hair in my 30's than I had in my 20's. Moral to the story? Me and my hair have been through a lot together but I never thought it defined me. And know that I work from home? Ha! BougieSis called me the "headband queen" on Monday.
I do recall being in a salon in Beverly Hills when a woman rolled up on me and told me that I was denying my blackness by getting a perm. She said that straightening my hair was a form of self-hate and my ancestors were weeping. Umm, okay. I respect everyone's hair choices including those that like to keep their hair natural but was there any need to bring my ancestors into it? I've also been a witness to the weave-hateration in the world. My only issue is when someone has a pageboy cut Friday morning and comes back from lunch with hair down to their waist. Also ladies, if you are going to rock a weave – please get a good one. We should not be seeing where your hair stops and the weave begins. Nor should there be two or three textures and colors.
Moving on… There seems to be a prevailing attitude that your hair says something about you. Well. Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. Maybe the girl with the long braids just wanted an easy hairstyle for the beach. Maybe the girl with a blond fro just thought she'd try something different. Same thing with the fellas. Let's not assume that dread-locked guy doesn't work in Corporate America, let's not assume that cornrows is a banger or square-cut fade dude is preppy. Piggy-backing on yesterday – does Barack get to the White House if he's sporting braids? What if Michelle had dreads – can you imagine the drama?
Speaking of Corporate America, let me stop and say thank you to Ursula Burns, the first black female CEO of a Fortune 500 company (Xerox). By the picture below you can see that yes, women of color can make it to the top without sporting a side-part, curled under do. [We love you Ursula, go head girl!]
And let's bury the idea of "good hair"… I beg of you. I've no issue with a hair style if it's neat, clean and flattering to the person wearing it. But others remain obsessed with the ideal of long, luxurious locks blowing the wind as the only standard of good hair. Baby hair, water weave, indian hair, it goes on and on. It's another one of those divisive things we have to squelch early. Chris Rock put together a documentary on black haircare that people seemed to really love or really hate. Here was the trailer:
So BougieLand… what does your hair say about you? Do you have any hair peeves? Have you seen Good Hair? What did you think? Do black women worry about their hair too much? Have you ever felt pressure to change your hairstyle? Fellas, do you feel any hair pressure?
*LSLHBBNA: Light Skinned, Light Hair, Big Boobs, No-Ass
48 comments:
My thoughts are expressed in the article, "Taking back the n-word," here: http://www.examiner.com/x-7361-Houston-Black-Culture--Traditions-Examiner~y2009m4d16-Taking-back-the-nword
My hair is relaxed a little past my shoulders. I don't know what that says about me. I wear it in ponytail or bun when its not completely covered. I like to keep my hair natural but in a style that will attract the least attention-my personal preference. I so feel you on the need for a ponytail. I cut my relaxer out in college. relaxed it back, then cut it out again to start dreadlocks which I had for 3.5 years. I spent way way more time on my hair when it was natural than when it was relaxed. so this is why I prefer being relaxed now-I don't have to think about it. I may consider going natural again if my life slows down. When I was natural, people thought I was into poetry, earthy, granola type (which I'm really not)...we hold stereotypes based on a person's hair style. I liked the movie good hair, but it didn't teach me anything I didn't already know. From watching that movie, you would think that every black woman relaxes their hair and that every woman with a relaxer has damaged hair. I think my pet peeve is people who think that they can't have great hair, that is purely genetic. Of course it is to an extent, but I think every woman has a responsibility to herself to make her own hair look its best whether its natural or whatever, instead of whining about what you don't have and comparing yourself. "good hair" can get damaged too! Some black women mistreat their hair out of ignorance and self-hatred (i.e. abusing relaxers and heat trying to get it bone straight) then complain about not having nice hair. Honestly, I think black people have the most versatile hair of any ethnic group because it can look great straight or kinky. I'm sorry, I've never seen a white person look great with dreads........
My mother's from the old school and was a big believer in giving me what she couldn't have -- this included perms, from the age of 2. My stylist, when I first began going to her, asked me when I got my first perm and when I told her, she damn near burned me with the flat iron. I guess I'd never thought about how long I'd been getting them (she then commented that my hair was amazingly healthy)
I took a pseudo-break sophomore year in college, mostly because I was broke and paying for perms was just out of the question, but my mother got on my case so bad and -- I didn't have any real plans to go natural -- that eventually I went back to the creamy crack.
My mother, ironically enough, has since stopped getting perms. Note, I don't say she went natural as she still goes weekly to have her hair flat ironed.
In sum, as you say Chele, do you. I mean, be for real, but do you. I don't know why we all think we should we get to comment on other people's hair so much. If you use it as a statement of who you are, fine, but don't assume we all do or want to.
So glad you shouted out Ursula Burns. It's as only five black people know of her. And every time I hear a woman scream, "They won't hire me if my hair is natural!" I just roll my eyes. Hard.
I, like a lot of black women, have experimented with the whole nine. I have long and very thick hair. I've gone natural, I've done perms, and I've thrown a weave up in here too. Tried braids, went short, grew it back out. So my hair says "This is what works now" that's it. My husband has short, neat twists which says that he likes short, neat twists. LOL!
My first perm was at a very age too. BougieMom wasn't playing!
I haven't seen Good Hair and after reading the reviews I really feel like I'll get to it when I get to it. My hair is relaxed and has been for the last 20 yrs (I'm 28) I've worn it many colors, many lengths and I wear weave sometimes too. Hair is a fun thing for me, I enjoy styling it different ways. Right now I'm just concerned with it being healthy. When I'm ready to chop all my hair off again I'll try no relaxer simply because I've never done it and I like to try different things. I don't form personal opinions on others based on how they wear their hair-- as long as it looks nice its good hair, to me. For me right now, I like it straight, I like the feathered layered look so that's what I do when I wear it down. I rock a lot of curly updos most of the time.
I'm currently natural but I'm not militant about it. I wanted to give my hair a break because I was frying the hell out of it. But I will probably go back to perm eventually.
I had braids for years. My hair kind of became a part of what made me Jason. First "real job" outta college my supervisor pulled me on the side and said, "I can't legally tell you what to do with your hair but your options will be limited if people think you are too radical." Braids make me radical? I fought it until I noticed that less qualifed (but with acceptable hair) were getting the better assignments and projects. I cut it. Just in time actually because my hairline started sliding in reverse. Now I just shaved the whole thing. So my hair says nothing besides - I'm not coming back.
For the record, I don't care what a woman's hair looks like as long as it's suits her face and smells nice.
I was five!
Maybe I'm strange but I don't mind a weave. My sister has a short curly thing that really suit her and her lifestyle. My girlfriend is weaved up and as long as I remember not to grab and pull.. we're all good. My hair is your basic low cut. I think we place WAY too much importance on hair and go over the line in telling people what they should or shouldn't do with theirs. IMHO
I love Ursula. That is all. ;-)
I'm a weave girl - unapologetically. It's not that I hate my own hair but that I love a 2 minute hair fix. Serum, brush, go. Love it. What that says about me? I'm BUSY and I fould a way to sleep for an extra half hour every day. Thank you very much.
Agreed - never seen a white person look great in dreads, wonder why that is?
I'm a huge fan of roller set with big curls when I don't want to have to do anything with for a day or two.
I do think we worry and obsess about it a tad to much. Its such a personal issue in regards to time, economics, beliefs, etc. I have seen to many superficial judgmental made about someones hair. Whe people start in on it I just want to leave the room because it bore me to tears. We need to evolve beyond that. To each his own.
Thing is, not every face was meant for every style. When I figured out that I could wear a short fro, I was giddy and done with all the drama. I have a little bit of wave so I keep it neat and short. I did have another black person ask me "Why I didn't grow it out pretty?" :/
Generally meant for thicker more coarse hair so it doesn't look matted.
omg, you must be in my head. today i'm walking down the hall at work and several older black women walk past me and every last one of them is sporting a cute short afro. and i think to myself, why is it okay for older black women to sport the short hair but, when i do it, it's a capital offense? (and people assume i'm gay. they're not wrong, but damn don't assume based on hair)
I leave BougieLand for a few weeks and you went ALL IN. Just catching up. Lawdy - hair. From the moment you hit school and realize other girls hair is different, there begins the struggle. Currently in micro-braid land but that is subject to change at a moment's notice.
yep thats the best. and when it drops some thats when I pin it right up! LOL two hairdos in one.
Sigh. I think I address my experience with "hair ignorance" on your other blog post. LOL. Anyway, I think India Arie song sums it up the best: I.AM.NOT.MY.HAIR (Sing with me
"I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within"- This what my hair says about me.
I believe God gave me my hair to play with it; my hair has been relaxed, colored, cut, flat ironed and I have worn a weave. Now, I am "rocking" my natural hair. Sometimes I get a "Dominican blow out"; it all depends on my mood. As long as my hair is healthy, which is important for everyone, I am good. There is no such thing as "good" and "bad" hair; people need to be focus on health of hair instead of texture. Sigh. It just hair so have fun with it. {wink}
I have never been woven and do not know if I ever will. I have been natural and permed, both long and short. I am permed and long now because its easier for me. My hair is real fine and light brown. I could never do the 4plus hour salon visits and I am pretty active at times.
I think so many things look good on different people. One thing is that at an early age I learned to do my hair. I go to salons but so many young people get woven so young and so soon and have no idea how to care for their hair and its get damaged. I think that ever black girl should learn about their hair early on and learn to love it!!! There are so many variations. As they get older they can do as they like!
Preach it. I learned at a young age how to do everything including trim, perm, and color my hair. I don't ever want to be at the mercy of a stylist. I can NOT (WILL NOT) sit waiting to get my hair down for hours on end. One of my biggest peeves on the planet.
Yes! Stop allowing others to define you by things don't matter!
I followed my friend Chele's advice (braid it down and put a weave in for a little while to grow your own out) and now my hair is longer and stronger than ever before. I don't get perms as often. You young uns will learn once you get past 40 or 45 your hair tries to get brittle and thin. Currently in love with a product Chele turned me onto - Moisture renewal shampoo and time renewal conditioner from Pantene - your hair will forgive you anything with those.
Braids. I have 3 kids and a husband who need time and attention. A job, a charity, church and friends. I don't have time to be up in the mirror twirling and ironing and whatnot. I tried the natural. My hair is the kind that must be tamed (beaten down). Braids.
We like Jason.
Call it the corporate cut but I'm permed, side part, right at my ears. Flat-iron, healing serum. Done. I like it and isn't that what counts?
Hair is just hair but it can influence ones opinion about another.
Halle berry is pretty - she looks good with short hair, long hair, maybe even no hair.
Mo'Nique would be unattractive (to me) regardless or her choice of hair.
Keri Russel (from Felicity) had to grow her hair back after she had her locks shorn and the show's ratings tumbled.
Farrah Fawsett, Bo Derek, and Jennifer Aniston were all known for their iconic hair styles.
Hair is more than a Black issue - just look at the problems with Gingerism (Apparently there is such a thing as being "Too White".).
But if you're wearing the style shown in the photo, that makes you look interesting.
Like someone a guy would want to talk to and find out more.
It's not bee-bees and it's not fake.
I wish more Black women would stop fakin' da' funk.
Like I usually tell people, my hair is just another accessory in my arsenal. It is nothing more than stands made of protein growing out of my scalp... and I shall use it as I use every and any other accessory: TO MY LIKING, and change it as often as I see fit. It is after all my OWN hair, and nobody else's.
I find the debate on hair quite entertaining, because I really hold so little interest in hair in general... My dad is a very practical and pragmactic man who tend to praise intellectual prowess over any physical attribute... He considers all "those things" to be frivolous and quite superficial. So I grew up in a household where short, neat hair was praised (by my dad) because it is efficient and prevents you from wasting time on futile things (his exact words)...
As an adult, I realized that my liking of short hair might have a lot to do with that... however I have worn my hair in any and every style you can imagine: from hair down my back (both my own hair and weaves) to a fade and a twa and a curly short fro... I have worn wigs, weaves, cornrows and braids. I have had a fro-hawk, a mohawk and a blond short do. I have even had it red at some point. I was into punk then, #dontjudgeme. Lol!
Today, I rock what I feel like rocking and never pretend it to be something it's not. I wear my hair natural mostly because I am lazy and would prefer to spend idle time in front of my TV rather than in a hair salon (and I still get sticker shock on the price of hair care being from where I am from)... So my hair is natural or braided up. Sometimes I straighten it, sometimes I have a 'fro.... when I will be tired of that, I will probably perm it and cut it...
Bottom line is: it's my hair and I will do with it as I please. I don't even understand why this debate is. Shouldn't grown ups do what they want with their lives as long as it doesn't bother me? I don't know but I don't understand the relevance of the conversation, and usually sit it out.
What will I do for my kids? What has been done to me: love thyself no matter what. If time permits, I will let my daughters experience their hair in its natural state and let them go wild once they are legally no longer under my responsibility... but I will cross that bridge when I reach it.
Wow - you say you wish more black women would quit faking and yet you use the word bee-bees. So you want it real but not "too" real. Whatever.
Permed and flat-ironed here. When I go on beach vaca I get a curly weave. Keep it for a little while then back to my straight and regular.
There's no contradiction here.
There IS a difference between "Natural" and "Unkempt".
There's always that dude talking about he only respects the girl with the natural or the real. And another that wants his girl weaved up all to hell and back. That's a shallow-ass brother. Let a chick do her. Worry about your own wave cap, son. *drops mic*
Tell em why you mad, son! LMAO at wave cap.
Amen.
My Dad would not allow us to cut our hair either! But he was from Trinidad - I assumed it was part of that West Indian Male "King of my Castle" thing...
Hello cousin. My Dad was from Guyana so I'm so very aware of the West Indian thing. ;-)
I figure if you want hair and have hair...it's good hair...lol.
Growing up my mom always reminded me to make sure my hair was done....just in case there was a fire and we needed to run out. Can't the neighbors see you with your hair all over your head! She meant well but always had a creative way of getting her point across...lol
I went natural a year ago and wondered what took me so long. After all those years I realized I bought into the "relaxed hair more easy to maintain" crap big time. I work at home too so I'm not sure if it would've crossed my mind if I was in an office every day. I purposely haven't see Good Hair because I can't imagine anything said will be eye-opening. I think we worry about hair too much, but wonder if it's because of being drilled about it for years or any of a myriad of other issues.
Okay, help out a Black woman out who lives in Australia - what is a bee-bee? :-)
I wanted to do an intensive exercise program; I started working out 5-6 days/week about 5 years ago. Something had to give - so, it was the perm. I didn't have the time, inclination or patience to do the weave (I've never had one), so I went natural by default. I've got little springs on my head now. You couldn't pay me to sit up in a Black beauty shop these days. it's been a journey, but I really like my natural state. And fuck any man who opens his damn mouth to complain about it.
I hate I didn't see this post yesterday.
I've worn all hair styles, starting with relaxers. I remember begging my mom to get me a perm so my could lay down like all the other little girls. SMH... if I knew my hair would go through hell for the next 10 years, I wouldn's have begged for that perm in the 2nd grade. But anywho, I've had perm, natural, back to perm, braids/kinky twists, back to natural, and now I'm wearing locs. And I love it!! I really can't imagine wearing a perm again, though I dream of my short natural.
I don't knock anyone for wearing whatever they want to wear. When I first went natural, I went the whole "self-hate" route with my friends b/c they wore perms. And they checked me quickly. Now, I say just make sure your hair is healthy in whatever state you choose to wear it. I do like to make fun of weave wearers, but it's all in jest. I was the queen of weave in undergrad. I've never had a loose weave, but I've worn every weave braid style known to man. lol.
Hey BrendaKay - Bee-bees = naps. LOL!
"Black Men on Why They Do/Don't Trust Their Girlfriends To Handle Their Hair" Read it at http://wp.me/pC3Xj-cb
Thank you OneChele! I'm embarrassed, but at least now I know. :-)
lol @ "my hair says nothing besides - I'm not coming back." I hear you.
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