President Obama invited former Presidents Bush and Clinton to the White House Saturday to announce the partnership for raising awareness and funds for Haiti. If I was scripting this visit, here's how it would go:
President Obama keeps his two predecessors waiting for 30 minutes and has MJ's "They don't care about us" on repeat playing for them. Suddenly, the music gets a little louder and Jay-Z's "I'm a hustler, baby" pipes in through the speakers. Obama strolls in the side door with his sunglasses on. Makes a throat cut gesture to Rahm and the music cuts off. He takes off his glasses and tucks them in his breast pocket.He nods to the two ex-Presidents, "Welcome back, b*tches. Come on in and have a seat."Bush and Clinton exhange glances and follow him.As they settle into the Oval Office, Obama looks at Diamond Bill, "Can I get you some coffee?"Bill turns red, "Now Barack, you know that was taken out of context. Ask Hillary!"Barack just gives him the steely-eyed glare before turning his attention to G. Shrub, "Can we get you a tall glass of haterade?"Bush laughs nervously, slapping his thigh, "That's a good one, Barry. You got me.""Anyway," Prez 44 continues, "since you two made such a God-awful mess of your disaster-relief and crisis-handling... I got this Haiti thing. But I'm giving you a chance to get right and do something besides flap your lips about me. You in or you out?"Clinton starts, "Don't throw Rwanda in my face, I apologized-""Whatever," Obama cuts him off.Bush starts to open his mouth and Obama says, "Four words for you: Katrina. Brownie. Heckuva Job." Bush starts sweating."In or out, gentlemen? I have the economy you two tanked to work on today. I don't spend my days on speaking tours and playing golf. What's it gonna be?""We're in." They chorus."Good. Let's rock this press conference. Group fist bump." He holds his fists out the either side, "Come on, dap me up!" They reluctantly bump.Clinton heads for the door, "Let me get that for you, Mr. President."Barack nods, "Better recognize." As they head down the walk (see pic above) he says under his breath to Bush, "George, try not to embarrass us out there."
Le Sigh. No doubt it went nothing like that. Oh to be a fly on the wall! I still think my version would work. A clip of the ensuing press conference:
And the PSA (try not to giggle at Clinton's expression while G-dub is talking):