Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Blame it on the B-b-bougie…


Apparently, spreading the goodness and light of my Bougie Ain't Bad It's Beautiful revolution isn't working as quickly as I had hoped. I have in the course of the last three days, read and heard the term "bougie" used not only negatively but as if it's a fate worse than death. Apparently, bouge is to blame for the President's falling poll numbers, Spike Lee's decline in creativity and my lack of a wedding ring.

Yes, in case you hadn't heard Barack is too bougie for some folks. His Ivy League degree and emphasis on upward mobility apparently means he isn't gangster enough to do what needs to be done. (Cause America was really about to elect a more gangster version of Obama?). And yes, I was told that the reason Spike Lee's movies aren't as "impactful" as they used to be is because he married a bougie chick and got too comfortable. [insert laser beam side-eye here]

As for why I'm not married yet… Let me share with you my favorite paragraph from an email I received Tuesday evening. The subject of the email being: I know what your problem is OneChele. Not knowing I had a problem, I popped open this bit of wisdom and dove in. Six paragraphs in, here's what I was treated to (leaving in the spelling and grammar errors so ya'll can soak up all this good flavor):

See, the problem with girls like you is that all your live people told you you are better than other black ppl. And you bought into that shyt. So no you think you can tell people how to live. I guess you try to be helpful but really you talk down. I have met so many bougey bitches like you that its really no surprise. You can't help yourself for acting like the world revolve around you. You so caught up in being fake and bougey that's why you don't have a man now and can only talk to them on you page. You say bougey but its really snobby and not a good way to live. I'm not tryin to be mean but someone need to get you to check yourself. I hope you find my words to you helpful not like your blog. Any way I won't be back to your blog and you won't here from me again. Good luck.

Uh thanks and wow. Methinks I ticked someone off. Boo-to-the-hoo. From yesterday's post I get that everyone's blog is not for everybody. But if you spent enough time here in BougieLand to get so wound up as to type out a seven paragraph note… you may have missed my premise. As a refresher course, here were my bouge rules:

THE BOUGE RULES (what puts the bouge in bougie)

  1. Bougie is more than a way of life, it's a state of mind
  2. Bougie does not equal stuck-up, siddity & pretty... unless it does
  3. There's nothing wrong with being bougie if your heart is true to the bouge
  4. If you are true to the bouge, people will hate on you. You won't care, you are too busy being bougie
  5. You can be born bougie, you can marry into bougie and you can evolve into bougie
  6. You can be bougie and hood but not at the same time
  7. You are no longer bougie if you are completely ghetto (fabulous or not)
  8. You can be broke and bougie but bouge works better with bank
  9. Bouge brings responsibility. Do not shame your bouge brothers and sisters lest you be kicked up out the bouge circle
  10. Bouge is old school people, we don't hate... we congratulate.

Please notice my tongue planted firmly in cheek. J If I've said it once, I've said it a million times… bouge is love ya'll. Okay, thoughts? Comments? Is bouge to blame for the hole in the ozone layer as well? Let me know, I'll apologize. Ever get a crazy flame-o-gram email? The floor is yours…

60 comments:

Sarah said...

Too bad your emailer didn't follow the .... if you can say anything nice, don't say anything at all. You seem to have taken it OK. If not, then a Big Hug to you. You know people don't like advice they don't agree with. I have been thinking a lot lately about how I ignored advice from older folks when I was young and I sure wish I had paid more attention.

Nikita said...

First time commenting I think. = ) Umm about the e-mail that old boy wrote:

Hahahahahahahahahahahhahah ooooh. I am crying over here. If he KNEW any better he would know by definition that he has some desperate chicks, not a bougie one. I tell you honestly, there are so many great men out here but the ones that get all huffy about the truth as women see it and come attacking instead of making their points, the ones that make it so personal that you thought someone talked about their mama w/their responses crack me up every time. Seriously dude? I mean we all take things personally that are not sometimes but a 7 pgh letter? REALLY? Moving on.

I am bougie. I am. Not ashamed of it, and I am not trying to hide it. I say to all who are bougie - carry on. When the folks who have an issue with it finally Get It ... well, honestly I am not sticking around to find out what they are going to do anyway. I just hope at some point they grow up and stop getting ticked off by other folks for about how they decide to live their lives. Paying so much attention to what others are doing they are not on their grind improving/living their own lives. How silly.

ASmith said...

No. I'm sorry. I wasn't even a full sentence in that paragraph and I had to re-read it. That's not ok, dammit.

If you're gonna go in on somebody's plight, can you PLEASE proofread so that I might understand. No sense in offending me AND confusing me. Hell...

Ok. Lemme try again...

And that was painful. Whatev.

Dear sir/madam (prolly sir, but... I shouldn't assume or generalize) who said they wouldn't be back to this website but I'm SURE is lurking anyway because that's what people like you do,

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Love (because Bouge is Love),
A.Smith

I promise, Chele, you get some of the most classic e-mails/DMs of anyone I know simply from writing this blog. Secretly, these are my favs.

Sarah said...

p.s. meant *can't* instead of *can*... you know what I mean. Having a tired day here.

Reads4Pleasure said...

Would it have been bougie for him (and it's easy to tell from the tone that it's a male) to use spell check? I would hate to think that some grown man is walking around walking AND talking like that. Riley, is that you?

I know I don't have to say it because you already are, but keep doing you, Chele. If people didn't fully appreciate it, you'd have no viewers, followers or commenters on this site. Obviously you're doing something right.

Velinda said...

Flame-o-gram emails seem to be the flavor of the day with me lately. Bitter, immature, ignorant males tend to make that their communication of choice. It is usually the illiterate, allergic to spell check, uneducated and insecure one's that like to do this. (I speak from extremely fresh experience). I love this blog, I stand behind my Bougie bloodline and if someone isn't hatin' then you not doing it right. That letter was so very hard to read, where has spell check, grammar and punctuation gone to? Why are people so full of ignorance and hate? What ever happened to keeping your mouth shut if you don't have anything nice to say? When did people get so bold, and so arrogant as to think that they can say whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want? I bet that person wouldn't say it to your face, in fact they would be the first one to try to befriend you outside of the internet. Bougie Cousin who I love so much, admire greatly, and am proud to share a bloodline with, continue using your gift and spreading the love.

Jamar Hudson said...

*raises hand*

As a Hampton alum, I feel more than qualified to speak on bougie-ness (and spell check). But I digress. Often times, us men (notice I use "us") throw out bougie carelessly when we met women who are refined, classy and don't act like what society says black women should act. Because some men are used to dealing with "less than bougie" women, they don't know how to react when they encounter one with standards (see e-mail above).

My $0.02

*runs in corner*

LikeLena said...

I love when people just reveal their ignorance right off the bat - saves me from having to look for it.
By the way, I had never read the Bouge Rules - that's hilarious!
We come for the Bougenificence, keep it coming.

RiPPa said...

"You are no longer bougie if you are completely ghetto (fabulous or not) "

And this is a good thing?

Maybe it's just me, but this line alone somewhat supports what the emailer said, no?

Jason P said...

People don't understand what they don't know. And they definitely hate on that which they feel threatened by. You're a target which means you're doing something right.

ASmith said...

Only if you read that line as a put down.

If you're here, you're not there -- that's just a fact. Can't be here AND there (less'n you're Jesus).

derek love said...

Think she said it was tongue-in-cheek. I don't think anything supports what the emailer said to her.

RiPPa said...

But if one is supposed to be "responsible" and "cognizant" of their readers
shouldn't the perception of it being a put down taken into consideration?

True you can't be both or in two places at the same time. But does this line
not speak to or is emblematic of the long tried divisive tactics within the
black community? I'm just asking because that line never said that "being
ghetto" was a good thing, no?

RiPPa said...

Toung-in-cheek? Possibly. Supporting what the emailer said? But of course it
does. That is, unless being ghetto is equated to bougie-ness. And let's be
real and stop fooling ourselves: it doesn't.

JaymeC said...

I thought her whole point was to rep for the bougie side without suggesting there was anything wrong with the ghetto side. But I'm just someone who has live 52 years, 25 of those on the hood side.

derek love said...

In your opinion which is colored by your perspective like Chele's is colored by hers.

OneChele said...

Thanks for commenting. Great points. I certainly never set out to put anybody down and the fact that he took it so personally caused me a little tweak right until he catch a bougie b*tch... then I had a lot less interst in his viewpoint.

JaymeC said...

Having read the whole letter, I could tell there were issues at play that didn't really involve you but he used you as a place to direct his anger. Thankfully, you are a strong enough person to withstand the shots and keep rolling.... which is all I care about. That you keep writing and sharing and talking and tweeting... you are enriching people in more ways than you know.

ASmith said...

Nope. I don't think it is.

If one wanted to be offended by that line, they could and they could make a great argument; but just like it doesn't say being ghetto is good, it doesn't say it's bad either.

I think if you want, you can find offense in anything, ESPECIALLY on the internet where we get to assign tone as outsiders. In that vein, bloggers (who want to be responsible and cognizant of their readerships) would spend half of every post placing disclaimers. There's a level of trust that your regular readers will know what you mean and new readers will pick up on the tone. If they don't, oh well...

You could find offense in that "oh well..." tell me I'm being flippant and dismissive, but RiPPa, I'm trusting that you won't. :)

RiPPa said...

Right! So if my opinion is colore4d by my perspective. Who's to say that similarly, the opinion of the emailer was as well?

dasmokingace said...

Wow, not the hole in the ozone layer? lmao.

OneChele said...

His opinion was his own but after calling me a b*tch, I no longer cared to hear the rest. Thanks for weighing in.

OneChele said...

Good looking out, fam!

true2me said...

My letter to Chele,

yeah dont mind that "hater" chele (ugh you know my disdain for that word)

Sounds like someone think that YOU are better than them,not chele thinks she is better and therefore wrote that CLEARLY "I am insecure" butt letter to you.

Don't be surprised (not that you are) by that letter. Your increasing popularity and straight honesty will occasionally get crap like that along with it.

Even tho I am "ghetto" I truly appreciate this blog and Have learned some things about "bougie" folk

Love True

Lady Loves Hats said...

Girl you catch all kinds of hell for the strangest reasons.

OneChele said...

Aw.. *getting all misty* thank you True One!

Lady4Real said...

Well you can't be bougie and ghetto at the same time Rippa. Just like you can't be real and fake at the same time. That emailer was ignorant, but had the right to speak his mind and so does OneChele, and so does the whole world.Lady

RiPPa said...

I feel you on him calling you a bitch; it was inappropriate and came from a
place of anger.

Mr. A said...

Tell him the reson your singal is becaus bad gramar is a tell tail sīn of a potent allie bad relationship and you cum a cross two manē guise with that problem.

RiPPa said...

But of course everybody has the right to speak their own mind.

But labeling him as being ignorant for expressing his opinion?

AppleBerryMIA said...

As you said I think last week - everyone's a critic and everyone has a platform. I'm wondering what his intent on sending the letter was beyond unloading on you?

AppleBerryMIA said...

Hey True, I hate that word now but right about now don't you just want to scream "Hater in da House!" LOL

Mr. A said...

My bad...I'm sure my comment in itself came from a bougie point of view and bad grammar is not something to make fun of. I hope you all forgive me.

OneChele said...

The rise of the Euro over the dollar too... LOL

LovelyParadox said...

*Disclaimer: long time reader, first time commenter
I have a couple of questions:

Isn't there a difference between ghetto and hood? Thus this sentence should be taken in consideration with the one preceding?

And does mutual exclusivity imply/infer superiority/inferiority?

Inquiring mind wants to know.

OneChele said...

LOL! Your inner bouge took over for a minute... it happens.

citizen ojo said...

If you can remember, this is the second time that someone sent you a message calling you the "B" Word. What is it about your blog that makes sexual repressive men act out like this? BTW - now we have to spell correctly before we leave a message......who authorized that?? ; )

Cassie said...

Hampton in da HOUSE! And yes, we wear our bougie like a banner. Truthfully, some of the HBCU brothers are the bougiest (sp?) I've ever met... I ain't mad at em

OneChele said...

Actually, this is the umpteenth time someone tossed that term my direction, but it's the second time I've mentioned it on BnB. Apparently, I'm giving off that vibe. I thought I was doing something wrong, but more than likely it's because I'm doing something right. BTW - inline spellcheck dude. It's your friend ;-) LOL

BB Waite said...

I must giggle. You have a way of attracting super-excellent people or really questionable types, not a lot in between. We must figure out what that means. Oh and if you broke the ozone, can you fix it please? This global warming is not the bizness...

OneChele said...

Tank U, Mami <--- I'm trying the ebonics spelling, whatcha think?

thinklikeRiley said...

Hey now - I'm ignorant, not ignant. I like it here in BougieLand. Bougie bitches are the best, they can afford me :-) [like katt williams said, don't take the word bitch personally, I'm just using it because I don't know all of you individually]

OneChele said...

I do get the classics. I really do. I think that's my superpower. Attracting off-the-chains folks with a single post or tweet!

RiPPa said...

Ghetto or Hood? Same difference. Either way, when used to describe an
individual or group it's done with the same intent as done by
non-minorities. Or people we're quick to slap with the label racist when *
they* do it. If I told a self avowed "bougie-chick" that she was more
ghetto/hood than bougie, she would take offense.

Sarah said...

I suppose controversy makes for lively conversation, but I've never understood why things have to be either/or: country vs city, East/West coast vs Midwest, etc. Everything has its pluses and minus. I'm really neither bougie nor hood, country nor city, but I've been a Midwestern all my life and if I got twisted up every time somebody picked on the Midwest it would be a trying life. Chele keeps saying its all about the love so I figure I'll believer her.

Sarah said...

p.s. more typing while tired typos *Midwesterner* not *Midwestern* and *believe* not *believer*; comments about grammar can make a person self-conscious :-)

tiffanyinhouston said...

LOVE IT!!! FTW!!

Reads4Pleasure said...

Oh Riley. I don't know what to do with you, lol

diamond life said...

So these folks actually made me do work today and I didn't get the chance to weigh in :( Someone dared to question the fabulosity of the Le Bouge? Booo...

OneChele said...

I will gather the Bougie Justice League and see what we can do - LOL!

Lady4Real said...

Expressing while using vulgarity equals ignorant to me. You can speak your mind all day, but insults and vulgarity put you in the ignorant zone (at least in my book)

Just Passing By said...

Never fails, every time I pop into this blog something interesting is going on. What's tomorrow's post?

Joy Andrews said...

Oh Chele... only you would put up a post on getting attacked for your bouge and get attacked on your own blog. The Hell?

Jara said...

100% of the time, people are interpreting others' words/intentions from a very personal place (read: how THEY would mean the speakers' words if THEY uttered/wrote them rather than how the speaker actually intends the words to come across). The best communicators can switch roles at will. Conversely, the worst communicators are those that insist on being in both roles at the same time. Looks like these types live to haunt this blog and Chele's inbox.

rikyrah said...

to bougie for words...that's ok....
I still love this blog.

Maiah said...

oh my goodness, hysterical (and so true).

Lunnty said...

Gotta take away this dude's "Man card", because it looks like he's exposing some insecurities. As someone who has worked in both Atlanta and DC and encountered the real deal "bougie", I can pretty much bet this brotha doesn't even know what a real "bougie b**ch" (as he put it) is, despite his claims to have met so many. From the way this dude comes across, any sister who has attended college, has no gold teeth, and has a job is probably "bougie" in his limited mindset. Personally, I find this site to be one of the most entertaining, creative, and interesting sites I visit on the Web, both visually and via the written word, and have never gotten the impression that is is "talking down" to anyone. As a Black male reader, Ms. Black-n-Bougie can definitely make me laugh out loud and think, "This girl ain't got no sense!" or "She crazy", and that's what makes the site a blast to read. I view the site as a self-described "bougie" Black woman writing down her thoughts and we as readers get to have fun reading them. Keep on keepin' on, Black-n-Bougie, keep on keepin' on!!!

BougiebyCJS said...

Hi! I am a clothing designer who just recently introduced a line of tees around the "Bougie: concept. I really like your list. Please check out the site and I welcome any feedback you have. Also, feel free to e-mail me.
www.BougiebyCJS@aol.com
BougiebyCJS@aol.com
C. J. Shaw

OneChele said...

Thank you and I appreciate the comment!

Mari said...

I blame bouge on Chris Brown's bowtie, Gabrielle Union's non existing movie career, Kanye's divaliciousness and Sanaa's man hands.

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