Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I Love Black Men when… they bring the sexy swagger

Let me begin with the disclaimer, I'm not saying that Black Men are any more or less sexy than any other XY-chromosome carrier out there. I'm stating, for the purposes of I Love Black Men week, that the confident brothers bring a considerable amount of sizzle to the table. Can we all agree? Okay, thank you. Moving on…

I happen to have a particular weakness for the tall chocolate brothers (especially dressed all in black), but the beauty of the brotherhood is – I can definitely find something to visually appreciate in the whole pale to baked spectrum. I know we all hate the word swagger but until someone comes up with a substitute… I can't think of anything sexier than a well put together brother striding along with that swagger. The key to the swagger is walking as if you have on a custom-made Armani tux, even when you're rocking sweats. This works. Seriously, you can sit there and watch the women's eyes follow THAT guy as he passes by.

And now of course, a BougieTale to illustrate my point:

Years ago (in other words, I was young and don't judge me), I was at a club on a second date with a fella that I was decidedly wishy-washy about. He looked great but the conversation game wasn't up to par and he had the tendency to say things in the form of a question instead of a statement (confidence fail). At any rate, I was a little confused and irritated because he brought me to a club but did not want to dance. Due to the decibel level in there, we really couldn't talk. So we basically sat perched at a table sipping drinks… awkward. About thirty minutes in, he got up to get more drinks. The minute he left the table, a tall piece of chocolatey goodness appeared at the table. "Since he's clearly not the one for you, I figure I still have a shot. I'm Khari, you are my next girlfriend." And he sat down with a flash of truly pearly white teeth. (another weakness) Maybe it was his confidence, maybe it was his definitive fineness or maybe I just wanted a viable out… either way, his line worked.

I sat chatting with him until old boy came back from the bar and gave us both the sour side-eye. Khari said, "Hey, I was just keeping your date company. My bad." He got up and slid his business card into my purse before hitting me with the direct unblinking eye-contact, smiling and walking away. My eyes followed him as he went. Pure sizzle. When I reluctantly swung my eyes back to my date he said, "Come on, I know I look better than that guy." In looks and physique yes, in confidence and attitude no. But I didn't articulate all that, I just shrugged. Need I say Khari and I dated for six months before he left to go to Georgetown Law School. Hmm, wonder where HE is now?

One more BougieTale then I'll wrap it up:

When I worked in Los Angeles the second time (long story), I worked at a small minority-owned defense contractor. My life there was a large slice of misery pie. The guy I was seeing lived clear on the other side of the country, I had only a few friends (some of which were off the chains needy) in LA and no family there. My commute was hell, I wasn't making enough money and the people I worked with were certifiable. My bright spots were every other week when the SO flew out to spend time with me. One week, he came in on a Thursday and I was supposed to have Friday off. Knowing this, we cut a little loose Thursday night and drank all manner of colored liquors that should never be mixed together. (Warning – never mix Alize and Mango Rum with Pear Vodka – just don't do it). At seven a.m. Friday morning (after 2 hours of sleep) my home phone then my cell phone rang in rapid succession. The third time, I answered and it was my crazy VP. Emergency yada yada, have to come in for an hour; we need you right now, yada yada. As the SO pulled on clothes he said, "I'll drop you off but I'll be back exactly in one hour." I nodded and off we went.

As I hopped out of the car, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back in. He gave me a kiss that was wildly inappropriate for my office parking lot and said, "We have things to do today, one hour or I'm coming in there." Ooo-kay, I got the not-so-subtle hint. An hour and a half later, I was still in a meeting with these folks and nervously looking at my watch. Ten minutes later, the door swung open. The SO had cleaned up, had the Italian suit on, fresh shave, blingy watch and all. In short, he looked good. He announced, "Michele has to go." Now I was in a room with my CEO, VP, and three former 4-star generals who were all sitting with mouth agape. He walked around the table introducing himself and shaking hands with everybody. They were too charmed and dazzled to do anything but greet him back. When he got around to me, he took my hand and lifted me out of the chair resting his hand on the back of my neck, "Ready babe?" Well, I was kinda frozen what with the entire executive leadership council staring in rapt fascination. He whispered in my ear, "Or we could just do what I want to do right here, up to you." Okay, then – the room took on a very bom-chicka-bom-bom vibe. I (bright red now) said to the room at large, "I'm so sorry, I did have a personal day planned and I need to get back to it." My CEO (a black female) grinned and said, "Apparently so." I grabbed up my stuff and we headed out. That's really all of the story you all need to hear. J

My point… swagger works. Especially when you can back it up. Thoughts?

42 comments:

Myas Mom said...

I know I'm late on this one, I just signed up about a week ago. But I actually had to manually close my mouth with my hand on SO coming into the meeting and taking you out!!! How in the hell did you let that one go?!! WOW!!!

datdudeincali said...

Appreciating the lovefest this week.

JaymeC said...

*Switching hot tea for iced tea* Alrighty then. If I could bottle your ex SOs swagnificence and infuse it into half the men that come in here with their wives for counseling, my job would be a snap. Let's face it, for both men and women someone who knows what they want and exactly how to go get it - that's flat out sexy.

Lady Loves Hats said...

So... your Ex SO - is he seeing somebody?

brownstocking said...

um, I want something along the lines of your SO from the second anecdote for Christmas. Please, Jesus?

*fanning myself @ work* See, the swagger works, when he can back it up. A lot of folks don't get that. Walk the walk, don't just talk the talk!

Lady4Real said...

I agree

OneChele said...

Too charming for his own good. ;-)

Grace said...

Whew? Is it hot in here? Nothing like the cocoa-sexy. Bring it on!

Diana said...

Mmm, well both this brothers are the hotness. Confidence like that (especially when it's justified) cannot be denied.

derek love said...

I guess we have to wait for relationship week to find out why you broke up with either of these too? So all black everything, noted. A little more swag, locking it in. Pure sizzle. Interesting.

Steve said...

What was the drink combination again? And I don't know about the others, but I would pay money to hear the rest of the LA Weekend story. Please and thank you.

Seriously, I have found that a direct look, an "I know what I'm talking about" voice and some self confidence go a long way

Mocha Dude Speaks said...

Hey now, you gotta warn folks if you gonna bring out the sexy stories - LOL! SO was serious about getting his "quality time" in. I assume you still had a job on Monday?

Page Bartlett said...

Amen and Amen is right. Yes, lawdy. I appreciate someone kicking up the sizzle a notch or two. You went there with story number two. That's for real!

datdudeincali said...

I too would not be mad at hearing the rest of the story. Mayhaps you have video to share? LOL!

ASmith said...

::fans self::

There is NOTHING I'm more attracted to than a black man who has a take charge attitude, in a very precise and planned manner, that is. I don't mean recklessly overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy take charge, I mean I'm the ish, you know it, I know it so we don't need to talk about it take charge.... swagger.

::swoons::

::fans self::

Lady4Real said...

(excuse the language but it is needed because story #2 was serious) D-A-M-N!!!! Swag is definitely a neccisity, an asset, and sexy as sexy can be. I love when a brother has his 'swag' on 'a hundred million', lol. Khari was a'G' and SO was just undescribable, pardon me I need a glass of water.

AppleBerryMIA said...

Yes, yes - I will two scoops of what he was dishing out... to go. Did you just melt into the floor?

Reecie said...

I loved that second bougietale. I wouldve been shocked speechless, and mind you it takes a lot to shut me up. lol

OneChele said...

Ya'll freaky and hell-to-the-no.

Jason P said...

*handclap* S.O. FTW! Player move right there. And by the way... I believe you... you do love black men :-)!

MochaMuffin said...

Such a fine line between "Look at me, ya'll know you want this" and "You can look if you want to but you know I'm all that" - Wish brothers would learn which category they fall into - one is insecure posturing because you aren't there yet, the other is confident knowledge that you have arrived.

Nice post. You should make your life into a movie.

OneChele said...

You and me both!

thinklikeRiley said...

Come on now, ya'll bougey sisters ain't ready for some real street swagger to come round your way. You just ain't ready.

Reads4Pleasure said...

Riley, are you really mistaking swagger for thuggish ways or are you just trying to stir up some excitement? You're like the Debbie Downer of the hood.

JustPassingBy said...

So question - where's the line between overconfident arrogance and this sexy self-assurance you all seem to want?

OneChele said...

Yes, still had the stinking job and lots of giggles upon my return.

Queen of Me said...

It's like you just can't help yourself. I don't think there's a woman who reads this blog who couldn't easily handle whatever you dish out. Bless you, young thing. Bless you. Why don't you read and LEARN

Sarah said...

Good stories to read at the almost end of the day. It makes me look forward to your book :-) Actually, I have never really trusted charmers. Too smooth and I'm thinking ... hmm... so how many have you tried this on?

Jara said...

Thank you, Queen.

OneChele said...

Great question! And I think the answer lies in how much you can back up that attitude. Kind of like carrying around a beautiful wallet, don't flash it around if it's empty.

Jara said...

I would draw the line somewhere between knowing that you have something valuable to offer and assuming that everyone wants what you have to offer.

Jara said...

According to (me) our President Theodore Roosevelt: Speaking softly and carrying a big stick helps. ;-)

Jasmine Girl said...

I'm feeling this post. And I wonder if the sizzle isn't what I'm missing in my current relationship. It's a very comfy, sit on the couch relationship rather than a "do me in the parking lot" relationship. Not that there's anything wrong with the first, I'd just prefer a little more of the second.

OneChele said...

Hold up - don't let one bom-chicka bougietale scotch up your relationship! As the married folks can surely attest, a relationship progresses beyond constant heat and sparks into warmth and comfort with flames every now again. [And for the record, there was no 'do me in the parking lot' - I got family members reading this blog!]

ASmith said...

One of my closest friends from high school has long prided herself on the fact that she thinks most men are intimidated by her.

She met a guy in college who she fell for very quickly. I was shocked. I met him and was even more shocked because he seemed so QUIET. I couldn't imagine him holding his own with her in a fight.

I learned we shouldn't assume when we were at dinner one night with a bunch of people. She was getting a little out of pocket (as she has a tendency to do) and he gave her one look (that, to the naked eye, was harmless) said a few words in her ear and she calmed down. She never told me what he said, but it didn't matter. He did in 5 seconds what no guy before could do in hours. She wasn't mad, she just took it down a few notches and 95% of the table was none the wiser.

He raised his voice never, but he could ALWAYS chill her out with little effort. It was amazing.

diamond life said...

I know this is corny but I have to say it... OneChele is bringing sexy back. Me like.
There is sexy in the man being in charge without lording it over you. And the way he handled the whole situation was smoking hot.

LovelyParadox said...

I have to de-lurk for this one!

@ASmith,

Like your friend I can sometimes get a bit *cough* loud *cough* with my opinions at times... and my voice can raise on any subject. Funny enough, my SO (much like my father) is extremely quiet. He literally talks to say what he has to say and nothing more (at least in public :))... but he only has to give me this knowing look of "Uh Uh babe, this is not worth you getting worked up over" and I will quiet down really quick.

It's pretty amazing actually, especially to people who have known me for ages... They can't quite believe that this "unassuming" man can make me chill quick... and all without even saying a thing or raising his voice. I guess I am sensitive to quiet authority and confidence that truly LEADS.

Loved the tales... and yes Khari and LA Dude are what's hot in the streets!

true2me said...

Chele, I'm black sliding. I feel this exact way about my ex, whom I have been seeing over the last few days. LOVE THIS POST!! and I TOTALLY AGREE *sighs*

BrendaKay said...

Brownstocking, there are still a few days until Christmas. So I'm kicking my prayer campaign for a "sexy SO with the swagger" up a notch or two, even three. LoL!

Unrestrained said...

God bless our brothers. Lord have mercy. Story number two got two snaps in Z formation from me lol. And Khari....I likes a confident gentleman, I sure do.

Jara said...

Bom-chika-wow-wow! Agreed - confidence in a man is so sessy. But only when not shaken & stirred with selfish arrogance. 2nd dude must've been real charming not to get you fired. lol

Sandra Bailey said...

Thank heaven for brothers. Yes, swagger works when he can back it up. Love the picture.

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