Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I love Black Men but sometimes you Drive Me Crazy

I love Black Men but sometimes you're like a Britney Spears Song: Drive Me Crazy.

Brothers, I love ya. Strong brothers, right and wrong brothers, (cue the Angie Stone song please)… you're all (for the most part) okay by me. I harbor no deep seated issues and believe that one of ya'll (somewhere, possibly swimming over from the MotherLand) is meant for me. But in the meantime (whilst I await his arrival); it's imperative that I get to understanding you better. To assist me in my quest for knowledge, I've invited along an excellent specimen of black maleness: Damon from This May Concern You.

There are some things that men do that drive women crazy. Just send us straight into that whole Mars vs Venus planetary swirl that frustrates everyone and solves nothing. So before we go there, let me just ask you this:

  • What's up with your relationship with the remote control? Okay, all electronics. I'm a techie girl myself but I don't freak if the "MENU" button falls into hands other than my own. I don't spend hours reviewing speaker voltage to determine the best configuration for surround sound… what gives?

    A remote is to a man what a make-up bag is to a woman, or something like that. But more than anything else, a remote is what its last name says it is: control. And without control of the remote, there's a chance that you might have me watching Golden Girls reruns or Project Runway, and as Luvvie might say, iCant. Control of the remote is assurance that I won't want to bang my head against a wall once I'm out of your presence.

  • Is your car really an extension of your male appendage? Just asking cause you get real lover-like with your vehicles. Please explain.

    For some, it is. For me, I've never cared that much. Some guys have been able to distinguish every single car by make and model since they were six. I've never got it. Do I understand it? Sure, it's like a woman and her closet (Although a man should have a good closet full of clothes and nice kicks, too). But to some women, their wear tends to be part of their definition. For a man, his ride can be that.

  • Any genetic coding that makes it difficult for you to consistently put a toilet seat down?

    Men are predisposed to the idea that you should look where you sit, kinda of like you look both ways before you cross the street. Thus, we don't worry about dropping the toilet seat for those without said disposition. But I have a question for the women that I ask anytime someone asks me about the toilet seat: How long should a roll of toilet paper last and why y'all as a sex always seem to slash the life expectancy of a roll in half? Lol.

  • Why is it so hard for a man to admit that he's wrong? Or lost? Or sick? Or just flat out doesn't know what he's doing?

    You know, I find this one to be a matter of ego that's not restrictive to just the male sex. The woman to accept a man's opinion that her car battery is dead and needs to consult her father who's 2,000 miles away is no different from the man who drives in circles and won't consult his GPS or stop at a gas station. You just have to learn to set aside pride and ask for/accept help. People think pride is a hard pill. No, it's a chewable. Humility is the pill most people can't get down.

  • Why will you not erase ex-girlfriends' numbers from your phone without us bugging you to hell and back about it? Why are you keeping the number of some chick you kissed once in the Cancun airport 9 years ago? Is it just wishful thinking? Nostalgia? Help me out.

    I don't delete numbers. Ever. I have the number of a South Beach tattoo artist who did some intriguing art. I have no tattoos and will never get one. Ever. The number's just there I guess. I'm sure there are at least 100 numbers in my phone book I haven't dialed in three years. Some of them are exes or girls I've talked to and it's no big deal. But to the question, a woman shouldn't know whose number is in her boyfriend's phone or care because it's *his* phone. If a guy needs to delete them to move on, so be it. Some guys don't need that "delete everything" attitude to move on.

Hmm, I'm going to give a respectful side-eye to some of these answers but turn it over to you, BougieLand... whatcha think about these questions and these answers?

19 comments:

AppleBerryMIA said...

LMAO - I like this one! A brother will hold onto a phone number well past it's expiration date.

Liselle said...

I am going to have to serious side-eye Mr. Dame for that "I don't erase numbers" line. Come on son, that's verse #2 of the player's anthem

AppleBerryMIA said...

LOL at Damon side-stepping the toilet seat issue. For the record, are you saying you'd prefer that women use less toilet paper? Sometimes it takes what it takes... LMAO

Sarah said...

I'm not surprised at the answers. I have always figured relationships involved compromise - give and take, yin and yang - and all that. My ex was a huge movie buff. By the time I left, I wouldn't be surprised if he had close to 1k of them. He would say to me ... 'why don't you pick out the movie tonight' and I would. Then he would say... 'I don't want to see that one' and I would smile to myself and say 'OK, so you pick out the movie.' If I had a dime for every time this happened, I would be a rich women. I figured cleaning his car was therapy and every once in a while he would clean mine which I thought was rather nice.

jorgemateo said...

I definitely have to concur with Dame on this one...

thismayconcernyou said...

I'm just going tit for tat. lol. But for real, every woman I've lived with has gone thru toilet paper like they had a tree in the backyard designated for butt-wiping. *shrugs* It's all good, though. I just had to take a dig back. I don't think the toilet seat is a big deal. It's not difficult to put it down when you walk in to the bathroom. You just have to remind yourself to look where you're sitting, and you there is no problem. lol.

thismayconcernyou said...

For real, I have nothing to hide. If you only knew: I'm about as straight-laced as they come. I don't have the capacity or desire to play games.

Man's World said...

Cosigning with Dame and my question to the ladies is - why don't you just put the seat down? Just lock it in, there's a man in the house, I need to check the seat... Just sayin'

OneChele said...

I agree until it's 2:30 in the morning and it's cold... eww!

Steve said...

I don't erase numbers either. You just never know. Now maybe if I was married and it really (really) bothered my wife, I'd get rid of them. But until then...

Andrea M said...

Okay so none of ya'll gonna own up to the remote control hoggin', thermostat changin', car lovin' aspects? Okay, fellas. I see you. Still love ya... but I see you.

Mocha Dude Speaks said...

You learn to make adjustments. We have TVs in almost every room in the house. With DVRs in two rooms, we don't fight over who gets to watch what. I've been banished to the bathroom down the hall and we buy toilet paper in bulk. My car is one of my babies and I treat it accordingly - this is understood. In my mind, I'm never wrong just temporarily mistaken. I'm never sick just moving a little slow. I'm never lost, just trying out a new route. My cell phone has been sterilized for years. Whatever it takes to keep the peace gentlemen, whatever it takes.

Mocha Dude Speaks said...

You learn to make adjustments. We have TVs in almost every room in the house. With DVRs in two rooms, we don't fight over who gets to watch what. I've been banished to the bathroom down the hall and we buy toilet paper in bulk. My car is one of my babies and I treat it accordingly - this is understood. In my mind, I'm never wrong just temporarily mistaken. I'm never sick just moving a little slow. I'm never lost, just trying out a new route. My cell phone has been sterilized for years. Whatever it takes to keep the peace gentlemen, whatever it takes.

Page Bartlett said...

Last week, I was out with this guy. He must have circled the same city block 5 times. Finally, I pulled out my cell, punched in the address and let the navigation play out loud. He said nothing but followed the instructions. We were at the restaurant in two minutes. nuff said

JustPassingBy said...

I don't know you but *fist bump* - it's all real. Life is too short for games.

Ladies, if I'm with you, I'm with you no matter whose number is on my phone.

brownstocking said...

some side-eyes? I will pick one:
" #
Why is it so hard for a man to admit that he's wrong? Or lost? Or sick? Or just flat out doesn't know what he's doing?

You know, I find this one to be a matter of ego that's not restrictive to just the male sex. The woman to accept a man's opinion that her car battery is dead and needs to consult her father who's 2,000 miles away is no different from the man who drives in circles and won't consult his GPS or stop at a gas station. You just have to learn to set aside pride and ask for/accept help. People think pride is a hard pill. No, it's a chewable. Humility is the pill most people can't get down. "

You know why I call my dad? Because I can't trust the mechanic in front of me. Period, end of story. My father is invested in my safety. The mechanic is invested in the dollars. The nice passerby could be a criminal for all I know. I need second opinions. That's a different ball of wax.

true2me said...

I love this post. Love the answer to the last question especially. Makes sense. That was one of the problems we had in our relationships. I was uncomfortable with all the number.

Now I hold the remote like its glued to my hand..I only do it cause I have a short attention span and tend to not want to watch the same show if it gets lame. I think most guys feel the same way. Women tend to want to watch lame ish (I know...I be side eyeing some of the women I hang around and their choices in programming)..so I dont necessarily agree its about control

Thanks for these answers

True

Jara said...

Love this Venus v Mars Q&A, Chele!

Props to Damon for his honest yet humorous responses/explanations. He didn't disappoint in responding like a typical (black) man.

"How long should a roll of toilet paper last and why y'all as a sex always seem to slash the life expectancy of a roll in half? Lol."

Well, it's simple math. Women wipe after #1 + #2 = "slashing life expectancy of a roll in half". And if you factor in that time of the month...

I've never had a problem getting the remote control from a man I'm dating. But Damon is right: it's absolutely about control. And it's a bad sign if a man doesn't ever share control of the remote. That tells me that he's 1) a control freak and 2) just not that into you. Funnily enough, the worst remote control freak I know is my mom (a woman with perhaps a bit too much testosterone). Try changing the channel during a game and draw back a nub.

I don't usually get rid of old numbers either. I'm a packrat like that. Ya never know when you'll need to dial it one day. It's caused beef in past relationships but *shrug*. I also store numbers of bugaboos under "ignore 1, 2, 3..." so I know not to answer when they call. Who remembers numbers these days? I think it is wishful thinking on some men's part because this one guy calls me like clockwork every 3 months even though I've consistently said no to him for...6 years now (he has that selfish arrogance thang on lock). So I don't expect men to do anything I don't do.

Damon's response to men not wanting to admit they're wrong/lost/sick/etc. is...a cop-out. Yes, women have an issue with this, too, but it's not comparable to men at all. Grab any random 10 men and random 10 women and ask them to name a mistake or regret in life. See who admits (or doesn't admit) to what.

Lady4Real said...

Gotta agree with this one. I was raised by my dad, I have three older brothers and one little brother and now I have two sons, and my SO. My whole life I've understood look before I sit, so its not a biggie to me. I've never gotten why most females complain about it, but then again I'm tainted by the whole, men in my life all my life thing. LOL

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