Monday, December 28, 2009

Greetings from the islands, mon!

Hey there, BougieLand! Miss me yet? BougieSis and I are still chilling on the island. Let me say for the record that there is nothing wrong with taking off in 28 degree weather and landing in 82 degree weather. Tain't nuthin' bad about that at all. Even if you are delayed an hour and a half in the Dallas airport (C'mon American, just once with an on-time take-off?).

One of the joys of an all-inclusive package is that the drinks are ever-flowing, I can't be mad at the constant Jamaican rum infusion… no I cannot. Though with an all-inclusive, the service isn't always all it could be. But more on that later… Jamaica has plenty of flirty eye-candy strolling about saying "Hello, my lady." Yes, yes – hello to you too Winston, Dexter, whatever. Plenty of chocolate goodness about.

However, (strong side-eye to SuperClubs, inc) when you bill yourself as a newly renovated 4-star resort and spa… you should come somewhere remotely close to that. BougieSis and I ordered up the Luxury Verandah Suite with private plunge pool and ocean view. We do have a private plunge pool (love it) and a sofa in an area of the room that I guess can be called a sitting area… does a plaid sofa four steps inside the door equate to Luxury Suite? We thinks not. There is no singular chance in hell that this place has seen fresh paint (let alone a full renovation) in well over 10 (20?) years. And continuing our own private tropical holiday tradition, BougieSis and I have managed to get bitten by all manner of flying, dive-bombing critters. Gift shop hydrocortisone cream FTW! Currently sitting outside on my verandah while they de-bug the room. Yes, it's that crucial.

We decided our first night in when we were told no ocean view was available and got our first look at the Holiday-Inn-esque d├ęcor that we were going to rise above. It's Jamaica, for goodness sake. Yes, yes – we rose above the no room service (even though it was touted in the brochure – the Hell?!), we rose above the phone in the room not working (took 3 hours for a fix), we rose above having to share a bed for the first time in at least 20 years (though they rolled in a twin cot in case we got to tousling in the king during the night – no. thank. you.) We're rising above… we're in Jamaica.

We rose above the "interesting" experience the first night when we had to eat at a Mongolian stir-fry joint here because we arrived too late to make reservations at any of the real restaurants on property. And last's night service at the pasta spot (cleverly named Pastafari) was acceptable. Really, at this point if they keep the rum and red wine flowing, I'm forgiving all… sort of. I am writing this snarky blogpost. Oh, ya'll- I gotta go. It's jerk chicken sandwich time by the beach and old girl hooks up the sauce round here.

So all in all, C+ for Breezes, B+ for Jamaica. We have sun, beach, ocean, eye-candy, rum and a sense of humor. It's all (pretty much) good.

Signing off from Jam-land, cool runnings and all dat… OneChele.

11 comments:

Reads4Pleasure said...

Have fun Chele. If the food doesn't get better, you can always venture out to The Ruins at the Falls. They have the best Chinese food in Jamaica and the view is gorgeous!

yourgirlC said...

Ooooh child! I am so sorry. Sounds like the "luxury, newly renovated" place I was duped into when I went to Buenos Aires. I rose above it for about an hour and a half and then my diva-ass called The Four Seasons!

Can you at least let Winston and Dexter help ya'll with your hydrocortisone cream? ;)

The Lady said...

Ooooh girl! I feel your pain. This is one reason why TripAdvisor is my friend when traveling internationally. There is nothing like pulling the old bait and switch on a Bougie chick with her mind on luxury, soaking tubs, quad sized marble showers, ocean views, 24 hour room service and free flowing drinks. Been there, done that, don't care to return. Continue to rise above, and enjoy your trip.

Liselle said...

Similar thing when I hit Cabo a few years back. As you say, at least it's Jamaica.

BB Waite said...

Not up to bougie standard, huh? You'll be back to the Ritz Carlton before too long ;-)

Sarah said...

It sounds like an entrepreneurial opportunity for a tech savvy traveler: reviews and ratings of places from real people's experience. Maybe something like that already exists? I hope you enjoy yourself anyway. Warm weather, a beach, and an ocean sounds really good right now with the temperature at 3 degrees and snow and ice everywhere.

Brandi said...

Oh boy I'm dying. Dying! Why does that remind me of my vacay in DR last year with my sis, The Lady. Oceanview room not ready, next room flooded with mildew, 3rd room finally ok. Just wrong. Throw in major sunburn and you'd be my vacay twin. But the rum drinks and sunshine soothed our pain.

Steve said...

Next time you get one of these menfolk vying for your attention to take you and they'll make sure you get your threadcount right - HA!

Andrea M said...

Aw, I went to Breezes last year, it wasn't that bad. Okay, not Four Seasons level but it was okay.

CurlySue said...

WTF? No pics of Dexter or Winston?

Man's World said...

We will need a BougieRant or a So Not Bougie Tale when you get back!

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