*Thanks to @True2Me for giving me this idea!
By now ya'll should know that for the most part, it's all love with the occasional sigh and side-eye here in BougieLand. Wouldn't it be great if we could spread the gospel of bougenificence the whole world through? In the meantime, we're left to take people as they are. Over the years, I have been blessed with a variety of close and diverse friends… and then there are these other chicks. The ones you never wanted to befriend in the first place but they just love, love, love you?
These women try your patience and force you to apologize for their behavior. In the beginning, you really tried to like them but the more time you spent with them, the more you realized you just had to get away. So I present to in no particular order, five women it's hard to be friends with:
- Drama Queen
- Characteristics: emotional outbursts, crying jags and manic phone calls/texts in the middle of the night
- Where they thrive: Loves to be in the middle of the messiest situation possible. If you are in the middle of a divorce because your SO cheated with two midgets who were shipped over from Brazil as part of a human-trafficking ring… this chick is right there with a video camera and TMZ on speed dial.
- What they do: Where no drama exists, she sets it off! This chick can create drama between aisle 2A and 2B in the Target Superstore.
- Theme Song: Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivian Green
- What they need: Besides a kick in the ass and some Zoloft? Someone to feed their drama jones and hold their hands (24/7/365).
- Moody-ALL-cloud-no-silver-lining girl
- Characteristics: never happy, always cranky, can suck the joy out of a room in 60 seconds flat. They never see the silver lining, they believe it's always darkest before it's pitch black and their cloud has no silver lining (maybe just dented aluminum foil).
- Where they thrive: Any place sad and depressing. They go to every funeral, visit everybody in the hospital, are the first people to call after a break-up to tell you she knew it was never gonna work out anyway. They always know the saddest, most depressing stories and repeat them at the worst possible times.
- What they do: Stay down and try to bring you down with them. If you call to say you lost three pounds she reminds you that you have 17 more to go.
- Theme Song: Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers
- What they need: Besides a backhand slap, some Valium and Jesus? Life is all they need; they'll find the downside in everything anyway.
- Miss KnowItAll
- Characteristics: Knows all the answers (even when she doesn't), hands out advice (whether it's asked for or not), feels free to lecture everyone on their flaws (while ignoring her own) and always has a story to one up yours (for every conceivable situation).
- Where they thrive: In groups and at parties, the larger the better where more people can hear them speak about themselves and their wonderful life.
- What they do: Compete for everything. They must win at Scrabble, they must have the last word and they must reinforce how intelligent they are to everyone within listening range. You just met a guy? She has the perfect husband? You have an amazing crab dip recipe, so does she but hers is organic and she had the crabs flown in on a jet from Nova Scotia.
- Theme Song: That Girl by Steve Wonder
- What they need: Besides a throat chop and a Tylenol PM? A reality check by someone smarter, richer, prettier… and there's always someone out there happy to take them down a peg.
- Maneater
- Characteristics: Goes through men like Kleenex, there's a boulevard of Broken Boyfriends named for her.
- Where they thrive: Wherever the boys are.
- What they do: She can attract any man she wants but once she's had him, she's done. And she doesn't care whose man he was, she's going in for the kill. Your man, your brother, your cousin who just got engaged, all fair game to her. She is that chick who is your best friend until a man comes in the room and then all bets are off.
- Theme Song: If that's your boyfriend by MeShell Ndegeocello
- What they need: Besides a hair pull, a year's supply of condoms and some penicillin? A real man to just say no. Just once. The whole outlook will change.
- Witchy McB*tcherson
- Characteristics: Mad at the world, witchy for new reason, walks around with fist balled up, responsible for the "angry black woman" stereotype, wakes up on the wrong side of the bed every single day
- Where they thrive: Amongst their kind. Witches of a feather flock together.
- What they do: Spew bile morning, noon and night. When there's a cutting comment to be made or a putdown to dish out, she's on it!
- Theme Song: Witchy Woman by The Eagles
- What they need: Besides a punch in the month and some Midol? A mirror. Usually once they see how unattractive the constant witchery is, they dial it back.
What do ya'll think? Did I miss somebody? Do you know one (or more) of these? Can they be saved?
39 Bougie Thought(s):
A. Smith, here's what I say in that inevitable situation: "The pity well has dried up." Works (almost) every time. :-)
co-sign, and don't look back!
*waves*..glad I could inspire..I talk so much I can probably inspire every person on the planet
LOVE THIS POST
I may have been guilty of being number 5 at some point *whistles*
*via Rippa*
I know ALL of these chicks (and am a little afraid of being the Know-it-All) Except, I don't advise...I'm like a therapist. I'd rather ask you what YOU think. DANG...I mean, ALL of em...*trying hard not to name names* LMAO
Cool, I'm following :)
Unfortunatly I seem to attract these type of female friends. Maybe thats why I prefer the company of men more.LOL!
I'm telling you -- it's that sympathy thing.
I swear these women were never hugged as children and sot hey come looking at us for a pat on the back. ::side eye:: No ma'am, I will not get on your crazy train and go.
Whew! Reading the list was exhausting. Does Super Bossy fall under the Ms Know It All category? Most likely because I'm quiet, I seem to end up dealing with either the Super Bossy who feel like I must need to be told what to do with my life or the Drama Queen who thinks silence is sympathy. In fact, there is a Drama Queen in the last town I lived in that owes me money because she sang her sad song and got me to help fund a moving truck to move a couple of states away from her husband. Six months later she was back in town and with him again. The story goes on, but you get the picture. Stupid mistake on my part to get drawn in. Lesson learned. The unfortunate thing is that these sorts of situations make a person sufficiently cynical that should a person come along that really needs the help, they probably won't get it.
Uh-uh girl, don't start nuthin' with the church folks. I expect the KnowItAlls in church, it's when the other four show up and show out that I gotta double up on the prayers...
Yes, I just extricated myself from a relationship with a Witchy ManEater with drama queen tendencies - whew!
LOL! Chances are she won't recognize herself!
Where is the clingy, can't leave you alone for 2 minutes, stalker chick on this list?
I sense some issues, Skyy? I had to hold the list to five, maybe we can lump Stalker Chick in with Drama Queen? And here's two words for: Restraining Order! LOL
Where is the equivalent list of men to steer clear of? LOL! (but seriously?)
For YEARS I was a strong magnet for the Drama Queen. I couldn't figure it out. What I became aware of is that I overcompensate for my lack of extreme emotion by sympathizing. "I'm sorry I can't be near tears with you because of this tragic emotional wall I have, but I am happy for you. Here, let me pat you on the back and rub a little..." was the name of the game and my dear friends, Drama Queens THRIVE off that. That's what they need -- someone, anyone, to fuel it. My non-crazy friends used tos ay "How is it that you always end up in the middle of some mess that wasn't even yours to begin with?" Excellent question and when I figured it out, I nixed that ish in the bud. Drama Queens will have nothing to do with you when they feel like you don't care about the mess.
Now then, as for the rest of them, I could immediately name the female in my life who fits the bill and that is not a good look. I really like the point you make, Chele, about them loving you. You try to be nice, you try to care but these hoes females don't know what they want out of life and it's comical until it's too crazy to deal with.
Two midgets from Brazil? What?! You are crazy. Love the list. God Bless Us, women can be so extra.
Oh, it's coming. Don't you worry...
I am trying to shake a Witchy McB right now! Evil just cuz she can be?! I sent her the link to this article because I'm passive aggressive that way... LOL!
I have one! The high maintenance, never satisfied, need more girl. Nothing is ever enough! Goes beyond maneating to bloodsucking vampiric types.
We should form a club! Kind-hearted girls who get sucked into the CRAZY! I still struggle not to be that "there-there" (pat on the shoulder) prop. I tend to over-nurture and these women are drawn to that.
How are you going to keep that list down to five?!
Oh my, vampiric? Um, as with Skyy below I feel I ave inadvertently opened a wound of some sort. Apologies and good luck with that.
I've been good about pushing the extremists to the fringes -- but it's rough when you realize one of your closest friends is a maneater and that's why ya'll can't go out together. LOL. Working on it, though.
Yeah, we need a support group for real!
I wanna punch people like that in the throat.
Just tell me you hate me and let's move on with our lives. Dang...
From a guy's point of view; "Five Women I Can't Date".
And these women are probably wondering why it is that they are still single.
Why do the KnowItAlls tend to run things up at the church house? They know every rule and bylaw with their self-righteous selves. Dropping Bible verses to the left and the right when Lord only knows how they're living.
Over the course of the last 8 years I ruthlessly cut each and every one of these women out of my immediate circle of friends. Life is hard enough without trying to carry other people.
This post makes me want to jump up and applaud... that is all.
I'm not sure what column this friend goes in so help me out.... the secret hater. This is the friend who makes comments so slick that you almost miss them. For example as a single young woman I prided myself on being financially stable and able to live comfortably in my means. I decide to buy my own home and upgrade my go me through college ride. My "friend" tell me after my house warming that if I can have all this nice stuff and do so well she should be able to so do much better because she was married and I was single. WTH?! Are you seriously giving me a slight comment while putting me down? Needless to say she and her husband purchased a home, new truck and new SUV about two months later. Do they still own those items........ negative.
Ah! The One-Up, backhanded compliment, Frenemy. We'll throw her in with Ms. KnowItAll.
"Witches of a feather flock together" - Whoa! TRUTH! How about if you know someone who is a little bit of all of these? Then what in the world do you do?
I work with a flock of Ms. KnowItAlls, it's one constant competition with them. They try and out dress, out talk and out smart each other all week long. I played the keep up game for a while but it's exhausting. I know allow them to tire out battling each other while I watch. By the time they get around to doing actual work, I'm already done!
Run like hell.
can i just say i know some folks who will be recieving this list in their christmas cards? there are some folk who need to be cut out of my life. thank you, onechele.
i was hoping somebody would bring this one up. my former roommate told me that she is happy that i found somebody to love but it's not fair because she is older and has been single longer and has more education than i do. wtf?
Do I lose man points if I say I'm worried about the male equivalent of this list?
Great point!
As a reformed Drama Queen, I approve and endorse this finely-written post - HA!
Hi and welcome. Yes, the urge to name names and post pictures is HARD to resist! LOL
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