
Fellas, bear with me for a few paragraphs. I have words for you below. But for right now, I need to chit and chat with my girls.
Ladies, it's about that time. End of the year, cleaning out the closet, make a plan for the year ahead time. I don't know about you but I don't feel that 2009 was a great year for the collective sisterhood. We have been talked about, passed over, talked down, led astray, hoodwinked and bamboozled. And I mean that for all flavor of women – from vanilla to double chocolate fudge and everything in the middle. Don't know how much of the drama was of our own making but damn if 2009 wasn't dramatic as hell. Well girlfriends, no more. It's our time. Now or never, let's rise up in 2010. [Can someone cue up "I'm Every Woman" and put it on repeat? Either Chaka or Whitney's version, we don't mind]
Here's what I wish for all my sisters in 2010:
- Get anchored/ Get healthy!
- Emotionally – this is the year we own up to whatever dysfunction we harbor and get rid of it. This is the year we control our moods instead letting our moods control us. (Are you still with me?) This is the year where if we need to seek help to beat back depression or obsession or compulsion (any of the –sions), we do it. Without shame.
- Physically – this is the year we feel as good as we can for as long as we can as often as we can. (minds out of gutter, I'm talking about overall health not just the "chex" mix) If that means we need to work on getting in shape, cut back on French fries or just get to the point where you can run up the stairs without passing out – let's get it pushing. Get tested, stay protected and get your Well Woman on. Vitamins, water, veggies and sleep. Think about committing to as many of those as possible.
- Financially – can this be the year we do more than wring our hands about our debt-to-income ratio? Even if all you do if cut back from 4 visits to Starbucks to 3, make it happen and start thinking about your money as long-time life partner not a sometimey coming-n-going stranger.
- Spiritually – get right with whatever/whoever you worship. Believe in a higher power than Louboutin shoes and Facebook.
- Emotionally – this is the year we own up to whatever dysfunction we harbor and get rid of it. This is the year we control our moods instead letting our moods control us. (Are you still with me?) This is the year where if we need to seek help to beat back depression or obsession or compulsion (any of the –sions), we do it. Without shame.
- No more trifling men (no offense fellas, not referring to any of ya'll here)
- Let's own it (I'll go first). We already know what trifling looks like – we have that locked in our minds. How 'bout something fresh in 2010? No more men who are not all about you, down for you, defending you and loving you for you. Selfish pretty boys? We off that. Let this be the year you are appreciated as a force of nature by a man you like (or the other l- word), respect and believe in.
- 2010 could be the year you just say no until a man brings more to the party than a cold six pack and a chiseled six pack. This is the year you say yes knowing you won't regret it in the morning.
- And while I certainly do not advocate waving your ring finger around in a grown man's face, if you've been stuck in that pre-marital waiting room with the dame dude for more than a minute, let 2010 be the year you tell old boy to ring on it!
- Let's own it (I'll go first). We already know what trifling looks like – we have that locked in our minds. How 'bout something fresh in 2010? No more men who are not all about you, down for you, defending you and loving you for you. Selfish pretty boys? We off that. Let this be the year you are appreciated as a force of nature by a man you like (or the other l- word), respect and believe in.
- Take Control of your own destiny
- Yeah the economy sucks and will continue to suck for a while. But if there's an opportunity to upgrade your career path – take it.
- What? You say you have no career path? Make one up. Set goals, attach timelimes and take the first step.
- Want to finish your education? Add to it? Switch it up and do something else altogether? Make a plan to see if it's possible and make that move.
- That which isn't working in your life, find a way to surgically remove it and discard from your world. And don't look back.
- Yeah the economy sucks and will continue to suck for a while. But if there's an opportunity to upgrade your career path – take it.
- Stop listening to negativity (or doling it out)
- The next time some starts a sentence with "All men/women…" or "All black men/women…" cut them off and walk away. We are turning a deaf ear to negative stereotypical generalizations in 2010.
- Someone in your life makes you feel like crap, cut them (unless you work for them and then see above). Surround yourself with people who care about YOU more than what you can do for them.
- Stop snarking your fellow sisters to death, karma is a bitch (in bright red stilettos). Every time you cut someone, that's coming back to you. Break the circle. Okay yes, buck-toothed, bad-weave-wearing sisters rocking a "Don't be Jelly" T-shirt that's two sizes too small stuffed into skinny jeans with a muffin top and thong showing… they need to be dealt with. It's 2010 after all. We can agree on this. But can we pull them over the side and have a chat. You don't have to put every wayward-acting female on blast.
- Don't get sucked into bullshiggitty situations. You can smell them from a mile away. Someone is always looking to throw their bag of hot mess into someone else's lap. Bob, weave and get out of the ring ladies, seriously. Life is too short.
- Do remember that you are the shit. No matter what anyone (including 80% of the blogosphere) tells you. There is something about you that makes you priceless. Eff 'em if they can't see it. Head up, shoulders back, get your strut on in 2010.
- The next time some starts a sentence with "All men/women…" or "All black men/women…" cut them off and walk away. We are turning a deaf ear to negative stereotypical generalizations in 2010.
- Go out there and make it happen: Okay! Now that we are feeling good, looking good, trifling-man free, in control and chock-full of positivity – get on out there and make it do what it do. Yes, realistically, the chances of all of this stuff coming together all at once are slim to none… so what. Get out there and make an effort. With a smile on your face. And Black 'n Bougie in your pocket (yes, we are now optimized for mobile phones – HA!).
Seriously, 2010 is our take no prisoners year. The year without fear. We're gonna try and try again. Fake it until we make it. Who's with me? And fellas, lest you think I've forgotten about you. Next week is all about you. Oh yes it is. Guest bloggers and all. So I ask my ladies and my fellas… what would you like to see happen in 2010? (The first person to answer world peace gets talked about). Comment as you will…
39 Bougie Thought(s):
I'm all for the ladies looking good and feeling fine. Happy women mean happy men. OneChele, FTW.
Oh my, when casual Friday goes wrong! Wait, velour leggings? She may need a conversation.
Girl, did you say it's not about the "chex" mix? You have the bestest ways to euphemize sex. My wife told me to read this and take it into my spirit. Think she's trying to tell me something? Have I become trifling overnight? LOL - great post.
Thanks! I just started a 6-week workout, it is killing me so I'll be expecting sympathy ;-)
I just picked up a book some ladies might want to check out: On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl's Guide to Personal Finance. I started reading it yesterday and I'm already at chapter 7. a lot of the stuff I already knew (I've read a few personal finance books geared toward women) but its been awhile and its a real easy, practical read.
Well Ditto. I just decided enough is enough. If we don't do for ourselves, who will?
We're here for you Foxy!
One Chele - great post! I feel like going for a run and getting my house in order!
Co-Sign! Ladies you handle yours, let the men handle theirs and we can roll from there
Thank you, A! Yes! Can we be more about the love and less about the hate in 2010? Unclench the fist and throw a wave! Chele, you need to take this message worldwide!
I want us to grow some thick skin in 2010. I want us to not take everything so personally and for the love of sweet baby Jesus I want us to lighten up. Tanking 401Ks and decreasing home prices are all reasons to be sad, but we have tons of reasons to be happy. We can always think of what we don't have/should have/can't have, but I hope we all (myself included) focus on what we do have in 2010.
OKAY! I'm taking this to the Sisters Circle Bible Study this weekend. This is actually real.
love love LOVE this blog post..do you mind if I circulate this in an email w my fellow females. THIS IS THE BEST!!!!
Welcome and thanks!
Feel free to post it up on bathroom stall doors. ;-)
Yes Ms. Chele, I will surely try. Yesterday, I sat down and made myself write Christmas cards. I didn't feel like it and bought the box of cards thinking I might or not. Last year, I didn't. 2008 was close to one of the worst years only surpassed by perhaps 1994 and 2009 hasn't been much better. Ready to put the year to rest and go for the gold in 2010. Thanks for the pep talk.
I really appreciate this post. I know i'm a dude, but i'm all about female empowerment. I always say, I think that "For Sisters Only" should not be the only time a year that women get together and really talk about their issues without men around. I think a lot of times both genders get to trying to fix their issues too much with the other gender at the table acting as the peanut gallery. Women/Men need to have their own individual summits and get all these issues on the table and discuss them and come to an agreement or a stance. I think this will avoid a few bad apples spoiling the bunch.
as a younger sista, to my older sistas.... can a sista get some love in 2010? just a little bit? please? thanks!
Go head girl! Good stuff. Next week is about the fellas? Uh-oh!
In the meantime, nothing sexier than a sister steppin' up her game! I'll just hang out here in BougieLand and see what I can see - LOL!
We are just going to claim onward and upward for 2010 :-)
Thanks Dr. J and I agree. Sisterhood is more than a 10-letter word to be taken out once a year. Better women plus better men equals better couples and better families.
I need my girls to dial back the whining in 2010. What do the pity parties help? I so much more amenable to lifting you up if you don't bitch about it the whole time. Love this post, Rise UP ladies. As we go, so go the fellas. Offer nothing but quality and take nothing less in return.
ladies, quit expected men to buy you shiggity/pay your bills in 2010. Go get it yourself so you don't owe anybody any damn thing - got a girlfriend who won't spend a dime unless she begs it off of some man - ugh. Miss me with that. I'll have to bring to bouge nation so she can get right. Ladies - get your own endz in 2010!
Actually, everybody can just dial back the whining. It's my least favorite thing in the world. Complain once, get it out, move on.
OMG, you are speaking right into my soul. 09 was a rough one of financial woes, career frustration, general disappointments ... and while I've been talking about I need changes, it's high time to start making them. I'm more than overdue for a mind, body, soul rejuvenation. I owe it to myself. We all deserve to experience those changes that will empower us and transform our lives, and that is largely going to come from prayer, dedication and action. So thank you Chele for this fired up post. I'm going to print this out as a motivator
this. YES. We all have our bad times--but vent ONCE--maybe TWICE if we are really tight--and LET IT RIDE. Sheesh.
I'm with you! I am already making moves in the financial arena and here's hoping on the career front. maintaining my physical, emotional and spiritual health as well. good post!
Yes, my '09 was trifling all the way round. Men, money, the whole '09 - I'm ready for the next page.
YES! You know this is the post of posts RIGHT here! I'm going to play Queen Latifah's Ladies First while I dance around the office. Girl, this post deserves a parade and a ribbon - brava!
I am cracking up laughing because a woman came into work today with an "I'm too Haute 4 U" sweatshirt on. It was ill-fitting, stained but she belted in over some velour leggings with some fake Uggs. As per your instructions, I merely gave the side eye and went on about my way.
This can right up there with your Bougie Manifest (Defending Our Blackness) from back in the summer. This is required sisterhood reading.
Whew, this hits home. It occurred to me recently that I tend to get in my own way and be my own worst enemy. I've been brooding about it. But basically... after reading this. I'm just going to stop. I'll make a plan and move forward. If it fails, I'll another. This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.
For 2010, I will like to keep moving forward with my life and challenging myself spiritually, emotionally and physically. Also, I want to close the door in certain areas of my life that I have left open and stop procrastinating (LOL). I only get one shot at life, so I better make the most of it.
Can I cosign without sounding sexist? I need the ladies up out my pocket. If I'm into ya'll, I'll hook you up. But don't expect it. What about you has earned a trip to the mall on my credit card? GTFOH with that. Yes, please rise up and we'll rise with you... I promise. A real man will step his game to match a lady's. If he ain't stepping up with, cut his bitch ass. (pardon the language)
I think that this is great advice. It is always good to reflect and take stock before entering a new year. As I like to say "I don't have time for these shenanigans". If it isn't useful, healthful or otherwise productive, don't waste your time on it.
Hmm, shenanigans - stealing it! Thanks for coming by. :-)
Fabulous, OneChele! I'm so inspired by your words and attitude. And thanks for the mobile phone friendly format!
I know I'm a few weeks late but I would love to see sisters put a smile on their face. The mean mugging has got to stop! Also, stop whining like a toddler who dropped his lollipop. No one wants to hear it.
My motto for 2010 which worked wonders in 09 is to stop thinking about those that aren't thinking about me. Trust me when I say, It works!!!
Go right along with my - quit sweating things that you have no control over... life is too short!
*standing ovation* *fist pumping in the air* *tear in eye* AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! YES WE CAN! YES WE WILL! YES I CAN! YES I WILL! BougieCuz, I am going do the list, checking it off and making moves. I'm not even waiting another 3weeks, I am starting today. Time out for bullshiggity, negativity, and naivety. Time in for reality, positivity, and wisdom. My sisters will see and feel my love, real men will get real respect, trifling men will get a strong side eye and a word of encouragement. My school work will get the same due diligence and my plans will be executed with precision and tenacity. 2010 I'm gettin' it in, and I'm in it to win it!!!
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