Monday, November 23, 2009

Trying not to hate on… the AMAs

This week, I'm trying not to hate on things. I'm really going to try. And yet, for some reason I attempted to watch the American Music Awards last night. And here's what I have to say about that:

  1. It's official. I'm old. Old, tired and confused. I kept having to tweet people to ask, "Who is that?" At least I wasn't alone when the breakthrough artist was announced as Gloriana. Who? Yeah, some bluegrass folksy foursome of Caucasian young uns out of Nashville. God Bless them.

  2. Note to Black Eyed Peas: Screaming while jumping up and down to a slamming beat does not great music make. I'm just saying.

  3. Jermaine has GOT to put the black shoe polish spray down. And the Vaseline. Thay main was just glistening from head to toe. Not a good look. We're sorry you named your son Jermajesty, but that no reason for him and your other sons to rock that glisten "Babyface-from-the-Deele-days" hairstyle. That's just wrong.

  4. Ladies have completely abandoned pants. Short skirts, onesies and unitards ruled the stage. Parents: don't let your girls grow up not to wear pants. There is nothing to fear in covering your thighs.

  5. Mary J Blige and Janet brought their A-games. Listen and learn youngsters.

  6. J. Lo is no longer relevant. Her entrance was the best thing about her performance. I did laugh a little when she fell out… girl you someone's mama now. Put some pants on and GO. SIT. DOWN.

  7. Whitney is proof positive that prayer does wonders. All jokes aside. She looked great and sounded okay. She's not what she was but she's better than so many of these starlets out there.

  8. And speaking of starlets- Rihanna looked like an extra from Escape to New York meets Mad Max and Wind Up in Armageddon. Hot mess. She sounded just as bad.

  9. Thick chicks are back in style, ya'll. All manner of thigh, hip, booty and tummy were visible. Go head and get bootylicious. <- - - I apologize for using the word, I lost my head.

  10. I couldn't (and can't) shake the feeling that Jermaine and company are capitalizing on MJ's death. When was the last time any other Jackson but Michael or Janet was even invited to the AMAs?

  11. Lady GaGa scares me. That is all.

  12. Random presenters bug me. Seth Green and Samuel L Jackson why?

  13. Jay-Z is not apologizing for being a grown-up. He wore an impeccably tailored white Tux and changed into an impeccably tailored black tux. Just cause he's in hop-hop does not mean he need to be forty in a wife beater and sagging jeans. We appreciate it. And he KILLED his performance with Alicia Keys. (Note to Alicia – you should have wrapped for the night and stayed in that black suit)

  14. Green Day owns the angry rock anthem. No one else needs to try.

  15. I understand neither Timbaland's new song nor his new diet. Both were unfortunate failures.

  16. Damn some Taylor Swift, she ain't all that.

  17. I miss Kanye.

  18. I don't understand Adam Lambert's closing performance; it was Phantom of the Opera meets New Moon right before it turns into gay porn.

  19. I didn't know half of the "celebs" in the audience.

  20. It's official. I'm old. Old, tired and confused.

So in conclusion… the best performances of the night went to Jay, Janet, Mary and Whitney. The rest of you all are excused. Seriously, just go somewhere. Uh-oh, did that sound like hate? How about we call this constructive criticism for the betterment of all mankind?

Did anyone else watch? Observations? Loved it, hated it? And if you didn't watch, aren't you glad I'm here to share J!

27 comments:

BrendaKay said...

OneChele,

A few thoughts on your list:

1. I'm proud to be MATURE (never old). I too am tired - TIRED of half-naked, nominally talented performers who can't hold a tune in a bucket. And I'm also CONFUSED as to how these same individuals can be selected for an award much less a recording contract!

3. Jermaine Jackson always reminds me of a walking Exxon Valdez oil spill. And don't even get me started on the whole naming your offspring "Jermajesty" nonsense!

4. I'm convinced that there is a clause written into recording contracts that require female artists to perform and walk around in public as close to naked as legally possible.

5. Co-sign.

8. Band-aid strips are meant to be used for injuries and in hospitals, not as ridiculous avant garde, science fiction gone wrong, stage costumes.

9. As a thick chick, I'm glad we're back in style. LoL!

10. I hate to say this, but aside from Rebbie, everyone else in that family is pimping their connection to MJ right down to the last dollar.

13. When Jay-Z brings the Gentleman's Standard, he does it in style.

18. I wonder if the various self-righteous right wing blowhards will be all over the airways today demanding that Adam Lambert be burned at the stake of good taste, as they did after Janet Jackson's blink and you missed it nipple-gate brouhaha?

Portia said...

What?! I missed it. But I don't understand what JLo was trying to do? I feel so sad for the kids if this is the best they've got.

Page Bartlett said...

Lady GaGa is scary, I simply don't understand. I must not be her target audience? And WTH with Adam Lambert last night? That was frightening.

datdudeincali said...

What's the deal with Taylor Swift? She is the most regular, plain vanilla basic talent out there. What's that all about... oh, I already know.

tiffanyinhouston said...

I am Tiffany In Houston and I approve this blog post!

JaymeC said...

Let's not say we're getting old, let's say we're growing more discerning. I turned it on in time to watch Whitney. Just her existence on that stage was a testimony for so many. Then, like you I grew confused and had to turn away. I have no desire to listen to half-naked children shrieking.

yourgirlC said...

As a woman "of a certain age" I hesitantly cozied up on the couch to watch the AMA's. I really only wanted to see Janet, Whitney and Mary.

Whitney: so proud of her. While none of us are what we were 20 years ago, given what she's put herself through, she came through. It was nice to see the crowd showing her love and support.

Mary: never disappoints. Can't wait for the new album.

Janet? I have to disagree with you. I was in pain for eight long minutes watching her. I was expecting her to actually sing, not lypsinc. The audience also looked confused but were polite and tried to sing along to her track when instructed. Yawn.

Jay-Z and Alicia: Yes!

Lady Gaga: I don't understand her appeal any more than I ever understood Madonna's. Snore.

The rest? Don't get it. But, like I said, I'm "of a certain age".

Pure Choco said...

Well, I'm young and I hated it. With the exception of Jay-Z, we're missing some of that classic AMA performance goodness. Where are the sexy girl groups? Where is this generations' New Edition lined up? Never thought I'd say this but I miss Justin Timberlake, at least he puts on a show.

p.s. I think you can put Timbaland in that JLo "not relevant" pile.

Leon X said...

3. Be less mad about Jermaine naming his son Jermajesty and more mad that he married and had children with his brother's ex-wife. By the way Jermaine, Nipsey Russell called and is wondering why you jacked his hairstyle swag from The Wiz.

Griff said...

I'm so sorry I clicked on the picture to see the larger version. The shine coming off Jermaine is blinding. What was WITH Rihanna? I want a do-over and a whole new batch of singers please.

TiffanyNicole said...

J Lo did recover well from her fall. She keep it mving, which is a good thing. I know she was hurtin though. When she feel I was reminded of Cedric the Entertainer on the Kings of Comdey when he slide and got up and said he hurt his whole left side!! LOL

To be the AMA they did have an okay representation of America; the place where almost anything and anyone can happen in one night...

mswoodenshoes said...

-Are you really just now starting to realize the Jackson clan is pimping Michael's memory? And Jermaine is probably the worst offender of all.
-Whitney must defintely is not what she once was. And I'm thinking this is as far back as she's getting.
- When will Rhianna's 15 minutes expire?
- While you, I and the rest of bougieland may not be feeling Taylor Swift, she has that coveted 8-15 year old tween demographic on lock, so she's not going anywhere anytime soon.

OneChele said...

Oh my goodness, you invoked The Wiz FTW!

OneChele said...

I think Rihanna has at least two minutes left. ;-)

OneChele said...

Thank you, we appreciate the TIN approval stamp! ;-)

OneChele said...

I have to co-sign, I only saw the last 30 secs on Janet's song so I didn't realize she overstayed her welcome.

Man's World said...

Jermaine looked like a walking Crisco commercial. Jay-Z looked like grown folk... amen. Taylor Swift - bleh. Mary J for the thick girls - yes! Adam Lambert's performance WAS gay porn. NTTAWWT. Alicia should sing and never dance. Someone get Kanye back here in time for the grammys. PLEASE!

Steve said...

Don't hate on chicks putting on their 1980s aerobic gear with pumps and stepping out on stage. Me like. Except for Gaga - she's not fine and needs more clothing to pull it together. Not sure what to do with her. The best two entertainers of the night were dead (RIP MJ) and resurrected (Go Whitney).

brownstocking said...

on point, but I liked Kelly Clarkson's performance. Green Day, I'm normally down for, but not right after I'd seen "Precious," I couldn't deal.

Jason P said...

I used to watch for some superfluous T&A but all was not as it could have been last night.

Carey Jackson said...

I'm saving Precious until I'm in an excellent, excellent mood. Even my most optimistic friends have come out of there looking like the wanted to commit suicide.

Carey Jackson said...

I tried to watch (not very hard) I didn't make it past the first thirty minutes. Thanks to you, I feel secure that I didn't miss anything!

Liselle said...

I watched the entire hot mess. Even after they announced the acts, I still had my head on swivel saying "What do they sing again?" My son was disgusted and went to watch in his room.

Rob said...

Holla when you get that reset and re-load feature working!

uglyblackjohn said...

I caught a few moments - wasn't overwhelmed.
Hova acted his age,
J-Lo, Janet, Whitney (and others) showed theirs.

But the AMA's were intended as a more racy alternative to the Grammys.
"The Hot Mess" was intentional.

muyiwa said...

Am I the only one who noticed and thought the sparkly glove a la Michael that Jermaine was wearing? Creepy.

citizen ojo said...

A night of Gay Porn and Jermaine Jackson just doesn't do it for me. I'm just glad Whitney is off that narcotic.

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