Thursday, November 19, 2009

An Open Letter: I’m sorry but your player card has been revoked


Dear Dude from Last Night,

It truly pains me to inform you of the following: I have submitted my evidence to the International Player-Player Association's (IPPA) membership advisory board. You will be receiving a certified letter later this week informing you that based on last night's wackness… your card is being revoked. Herewith. Immediately. Before you decide to appeal the decision (good luck with that), please review the infractions listed below:

  1. When you call less than an hour before a date and say, "Instead of going to the movies, why don't you come over and watch a movie?" why would you think a woman can't see through that? Any female over the age of 18 recognizes that. In the words of Riley Freeman (from the Boondocks), "Game recognize game and you looking kinda unfamiliar right now." #PlayerFail


  2. When you call a female on her way to meet you and say, "Just swing by and pick me up," and you own two cars (and this is following call from number 1), your transparency is bordering on pathetic. Why not just call up and ask for what you really want? That way said female can tell you "yea" or "nay" up front without all the subpar gamesmanship. #PlayerFail


  3. When you invite a woman into your home, it's not a good look to have your laptop open with a screensaver of random women in various stages of undress. Especially when I can recognize that most of the pictures were taken right in the room in which I was standing at that moment. #PlayerFail


  4. You invited a woman into your home and did not clean up from the last one? Why is her Victoria's Secret Miracle Bra hanging on the bathroom door handle? Don't even try it… I know it's not mine because 1) I have not removed a bra in your vicinity and 2) I need no miracle to enhance my girls. #PlayerFail


  5. Next time you pick a movie, why don't you double check the time it starts so we don't have to hover around the theater for a half hour waiting for it to start. Oooh, you never really planned for us to get to the theater… okay, I just got that. Still, you know what – tighten up your plan B. #PlayerFail


  6. Once you determine that your current date isn't going as planned, it's really poor protocol to commence texting and accessing your Facebook mobile app trolling for someone else to "close the deal" <--- yes, I saw you type that in. #PlayerFail

Presented with the evidence, the IPPA had no choice but to demand an immediate revocation of your player card and reset your Playa Status to: No Game At All. Your letter will include instructions on how to re-apply and upgrade your status. As for your application with OneChele for Potential Significant Other, I must report that you are no longer considered a viable candidate and we have decided to move forward with other more qualified applicants at this time. Also, we are unable to keep your application on file and you are not eligible to re-apply. We wish you success in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

OneChele

P.S. Thanks for the movie and popcorn, 2012 was very entertaining. I felt the entire disaster movie theme was apropos. Deuces!

45 comments:

Leon X said...

This post has gone too long without this video appearing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmJbJs-9ST0

datdudeincali said...

* Dead * bury me right next to Dude-from-last-night's GAME! LMAO

Diana said...

NO one is this stupid, what was he thinking leaving another woman's bra out?! #PlayerFail is right

tiffanyinhouston said...

#ICant #EpicFail #Ucantbeserious #Howoldisthisretard? #Thankyou4takingone4theteamtogetussomeblogfodder!

And I bet he called you already, right?

Steve said...

That does it, I'll be in Dallas on the next plane. Where you wanna go? You so clearly need a real man to take you on a real date - that dude is crazy. Yes, CARD PULLED!

OneChele said...

Twice plus a text. I did take one for the team didn't I? Sheesh!

MochaDudeSpeaks said...

BWAHAHA - you have the best of humor. You are Queen of the bounceback. Does he read your blog, because that would be classic

Andrea M said...

OH OneChele! Wack-Ass Dude FTL! What's bad is that he probably thought he was laying down some tight game until you insisted on going to the movie. What was the deal with the naked chick screensaver?

Dr. Peppa said...

If you made that graphic, standing ovation! That's classic! Beyond that, I hate to laugh... but I'm going to!

[flahy] [blak] [chik] said...

wow! you last longer than i would have...after the call about trying to stay in..i would have went for my own plan b...lol

Leon X said...

I see I'm in a race with Steve to get to Texas. That's just ridiculous.

I never liked movies as a first date. Nothing says getting to know you better like sitting side by side in a large dark room being silent for two hours.

Sarah said...

Wow is right! Here I'm thinking my day got off to a bad start. He must think he is really something with the naked screen saver and the underwear. Shudder. Can I ask how old he is? 'Cause if he is in his mid 30s like you and thinks this is all cool, then it's rather sad. Did you enjoy the movie?

Stank_0 said...

I'm not sure I can believe a grown @ss man did all of this. Was he melanin-enhanced? (Please say no!)

Man's World said...

I agree with Stank. I'm going to have to issue an apology on behalf of the brotherhood.

OneChele said...

Thanks to all for the sympathy and outrage. Yes old boy was of the chocolate persuasion and yes, he was over 35 (not a child). The movie was good though. ;-) Oh for those bruhs flying in, um - seafood and jazz? LOL!

Carey Jackson said...

I'm just contemplating all the good date karma you MUST be building up.

OneChele said...

In hindsight, I should have Plan B'd earlier ;-)

Jasmine Girl said...

Nothing says "I'm so into you" like naked pictures of other women! You dodged a bullet!

derek love said...

Points for using a Riley Freeman quote! How long is the list of applicants to take you out, a brother hates long lines - HA!

On the real, you got out while the getting was good.

Jason P said...

So there's a line forming to take you on a "proper" date - looks like your playette status is getting elevated. BTW, he left the bra on the back of the door to prove to you that he has options and encourage you to hop aboard. It's weak, freshman year of college psychology. As you said #PlayerFail

OneChele said...

LOL - and I agree. Movie dates are awkward when you don't know who you're sitting to.

JustPassingBy said...

iCan't with this dude. Did you look at him and say, "I didn't realize they still made you!" So glad you can laugh at it. Will you thank him for providing the Blog Gold.

OneChele said...

Thanks! And by all means, get a chuckle on

Leon X said...

I'm on it! Bong!(c) RZA

AppleBerryMIA said...

First of all, you date more than most of the black women over 30 that I know. I'm going to fall back on the "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs" theory...

OneChele said...

Thanks, I think. As for the frogs, lips chapped already. Wherefore art the Prince?

Sasha Stiletto said...

This is hilarious. I had to get up and close my office door. I literally put my head on my desk and laughed. Is there a contest for bad date of the year? If so, I think you have a few to enter.

Rob said...

You handled the whole thing with class. I know many a woman who would have gone off with just ONE of these. Texting one woman while out with another is no parts of acceptable. Actually, the only acceptable thing this guy did was ask you out and pay for the movie. Hope you ordered the jumbo popcorn.

ASmith said...

This is what I need to be true....

All of these things did NOT happen in one evening and did NOT all happen to you.

Yes. Make that true for me somehow.

That dude needs more than his playa card revoked; pimpin needs... Lord... he needs to just start over in LIFE and try again.

OneChele said...

A - would that I could perfect my Samantha Nose Twitch and make that true~

thinklikeRiley said...

Bruh needs a pimp slap is what he needs. Wack weak dude like this need to get got. How bout I fly in and handle that. Ole skool hip-hop rollin' out music: Punks jump up to get beat down!

OneChele said...

I did, plus the $4.00 sprite AND twizzlers.

Pure Choco said...

I am speechless. Struck dumb by the rampant stupidity.

OneChele said...

Oh sheesh! Fellas, it must be said: JUST. DO. BETTER.

mojitochica said...

Bingo! OneChele was this trifling man at least fine? That's the only reason I can fathom for you not calling it off from the get go.

OneChele said...

Girl - slap yo' mama upside the head fine.

Penny said...

OMG!! And you just know this fool is the type to sprout that "pimpin' ain't easy" nonsense. I'll bet he is also one of those that think "Black women need to develop some standards" as I was told! Unfortunately, I am sure that this guy has no problems using these tired games to get women-and he probably has a track record of success.

glamah@cococooks said...

OMG! What is wrong with that man. And why would any dumbass pose for him undressed. Glad you got out early.

EC Thompson, MD said...

Playa card? this guy was so bad I'm going to have to revoke his loser card.

BrendaKay said...

OneChele - your dating experiences are single-handedly making me question the wisdom of pursuing a divorce from my husband. LMAO! Because as the saying goes - the devil you know is a lot better than the devil you don't know!

I think it's high time to get a match maker on this job, OneChele. LoL!

BrendaKay said...

LeonX, you are all kinds of wrong for posting this video clip. LoL!

OneChele said...

You may be right!

Coniqua said...

Congrats on your Color of Choice day this post has me cracking up. LOL at the pictures taken in the same room.

Jason P said...

Uh-uh girl - Where do you find them? LMAO at his screensaver

LikeLena said...

I thought MY date was bad - he kept calling me by the wrong name all night long. Finally I said - why don't you call HER?! And left.

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