So this got me to thinking about just what it takes to push my buttons these days (besides the wingnuts, exes who know which buttons to push, and gratuitous violence). I'm attempting to develop a kind of "it is what it is" mellow combined with prayer to block the drama around me. But allow me share a little bit about things that may cause my pleasing, bougie personality to slip a little bit. OneChele is a lover, not a fighter, ya'll. But don't let the sweet smile fool ya... here are a few things that may cause OneChele to consider lifting the size 8 ½ purple pump off the ground to point it towards your rear end. (Ya'll know I've been on that Wii kick-boxing program)
The Mouth: As Latifah once said, "Who you callin' a b*tch?" Uh-hmm, please think twice before the word flies up out your mouth in my direction. Ditto that with ho, skank, slut or any derivative of loose, unpleasant womanhood slang. And while I'm on it, miss me with the baby gurl, shawty and boo of it all as well. If you can't call me by the name BougieRents picked out for me, we don't need to chat. Also, I'm definitely a "keep my name out of your mouth" girl. It's not that I expect everyone to like me (though why wouldn't you? J). But not liking me and talking about me like a dog are two different things. And why is it that the sh!t-talkers never say it to your face? Why is it that they always say it to someone who relates it back to me? OLD SCHOOL ALERT: If you don't have anything nice to say… ya'll know the rest.
The Hands: Do not touch! If I have not implicitly or explicitly invited you to touch a body part currently attached to my frame, please restrain yourself. This includes the drunken arm/shoulder/booty grab at the club. Would you go into a showroom and fondle merchandise you know you cannot afford to purchase? Think on these things before you reach out and touch.
The Meanness: 'If my Homie calls,' a classic by Tupac where he states, "No matter who the foe they must fall, us against them all, I'm down to brawl if my homies call." This means those who cause harm to BougieFam or BougieFriends, sleep lightly. I'm not a brawler but make a tear fall out of BougieNiece's eye or have Bougie Ex-College Roommate calling me choked up… hmm, well there's great song from the Disappearing Acts soundtrack called Sweet Revenge where girlfriend says, "Now don't you wish I were the type to slash tires?"
Jive Talkin': This only applies during NFL playoffs (not that I have to worry about this anytime soon with those Cowboys). Yeah um, you can't be up in my house talking the yakkity-yak about my home team when I am providing food, drink and big screen goodness. You may have a comment or two but the jumping up and down, "In yo' face, dat's what I'm talking about. Yo boyz getting skull-drug up and down the field!" Carry that on home. I'm a gracious (sorta) loser at EVERY thing else but football. Oooh – also: at the card table… hold on to it. BougieFam can play up some cards. Spades, Gin, Bridge, Pinochle, Whist, Rummy, War. We play friendly in the beginning. But talk some noise and be prepared to have a Boston run on your behinds while you are summarily dismissed from the table.
Blatant Stupidity: This includes racism, classism, sexism… all the -isms. This is what caused me to pretty much boycott Twitter all weekend. The ignorance swirling around Barack Obama's winning of the Nobel Peace Prize coupled with the drunk tweeting (folks had wildly inappropriate oversharing moments) just tipped me over the edge. I have a very low threshold for stupid sh!t and lately, people just seemed to want to pontificate on things about which they have no knowledge. I really couldn't (and still can't) understand why when the first African-American President wins a world-renowned prize, folks wouldn't cheer and say, "Good for you." Don't get me started.
Since I'm on a roll, I'll flip the script. Here are five things I will NOT be getting my ass kicked over:
Men: "I'll take yo' man!" Ah you know what? If you are that bad, my game is that raggedy and old boy is so easily swayed… take him. I do NOT fight over the menfolk. I will remind the gentleman exactly what he will be missing when he goes and that this door don't swing both ways and then I'm stepping to the left. Fly and be free.
Games: Yes games- spades, scrabble, gin, dominoes, tennis, Wii bowling, Xbox Madden… all in good fun. As long as you aren't cheating or running your mouth beyond the point of obnoxious (see above) go ahead and get your win on. Losing a game will not cause me to take the dangly earrings off. I'm super competitive and love to win but I won't fight over it. It's just not that crucial.
Parking Spaces: BougieSis will be happy to know that I have finally grown beyond flashing the mean mug, laying on the horn and gunning past people into the last space closest to the shoe department at Nordstrom's in the Galleria. Yes, I have grown (and can afford valet). I have actually matured so that I will circle the lot a time or two waiting for a worthy spot to open up. No longer do I scream out of the window, "Respect the German engineering, baby!" as I whiz past to capture the prize.
Our differences: So you love True Blood, Gin Fizzes, Sarah Palin, rottweilers named killa and Kenny Chesney… good on ya. I like Entourage, chocolate martinis, anyone not named Sarah Palin, I'm allergic to both dogs and cats but Kenny Chesney is alright in small doses. So let's embrace the similarities, respect the differences and move on. I'm open to a spirited (intelligent) debate and then I will politely agree to disagree. Gone are the days when I needed you to think like me, agree with me, do what I do and say what I say. You do you, sweetie… it's all good.
Money: I no longer loan it and expect it back, I only give to charities I absolutely believe in and I wouldn't borrow any unless it was from BougieFam as a last resort to keep the lights on. If you are a grown man over the age of 35 and have none, that is your prerogative but I don't have to like it. I have seen to many relationships and friendships get strained over dollars and it is so not worth it.
So dear readers, what might cause your pleasant personality to slip? What things have you learned to let slide?
22 comments:
The only time I'm willing to put up a good fight is when something is interfering with my well being, or my son's well being...and that of course can come in many forms...I've long given up on fighting for men, either btwn other women, or fighting for their attention...I never have to raise a fist with anyone..but my tongue will rip you apart in a second.
Like you and fungke- I'm really not going to take a swing at anybody but I will break off a tongue lashing if I catch someone lying, I hate that more than anything.
Interesting topic. Co-sign - I don't fight over a man, that's crazy. I've learn to let it slide when co-workers come at me with the stupid stuff.
As of this weekend, my issue is with ladies that have a bunch of rules but only tell you about them one at a time, as it is convenient. Honestly just wondering - what's that about?
My thing is one you mentioned above, people that really aren't your friend but are still trying to be. It's like - why? Let. it. go.
I would fight for my kids if I couldn't work it out any other way
I really hate being told what to do in my own home (like you say - don't get me started). Also, when people talk to you in that condescending tone like they know more than you do. Hate that
Over the top selfish people. Some self-preservation is fine but wow with the super "it's all about me" thing. WDDDA?
I could see where that would be irritating, maybe you need to have the "relationship rules and boundaries" discussion early on?
This is random but I hate the cable company. My frustration level is on boil today waiting for them to come repair the internet connection. Took 6 calls to get anyone out here and of course they gave me a 6-hour window of when they'll arrive. I find that kick-box worthy
This post has a different flavor, I like it though. You won't fight over men, I won't fight over a woman. I will fight to defend her honor and security but not to "win her" - that's a little too daggers drawn for ya boy.
I can't blame you for that one!
Co-sign - will fight to the death if me or my fam is physically threatened, everything else is not that crucial.
Hey @OneChele, I somehow do not imagine that you actually are kick-boxing any asses. But I'd hate to be on the receiving end of your ire. My peeve is fake people. I hate when people pretend to be one thing and then very shortly you realize they are nothing like that at all. I feel bad for them that they feel like they have to be that way bt also angry that I wasted my time trying to know someone who doesn't exist.
And people who cheat at cards.
I'm the type of person who can take a lot, but that one day when I just lose it and scare them to death. Freaks them out because they nevEr knew I had it in me. As for your ex friend. I attract alot of female friends like that. I learned ago to just walk away silently. They know what they did.VAMPIRES!
My momma bear instincts extend to my family and my country, if it came to that. Although truthfully, I don't know how to physically fight. I think most of the time when people pick fights either directly or passive-aggressively it is because they are trying to get on your nerves and get some sort of reaction. I strongly dislike being manipulated so I refuse to go along with it. And as you may be figuring out, as you get older is gets harder to maintain some level of joy, happiness, and optimism in your life. I think one of the down sides of these new social networking devices like twitter is that it is like dealth by a thousand little cuts. Anyway, I seem to remember that you live in Texas so you can have a little happy moment this afternoon enjoying your warm weather. Winter has come early here. It snowed on Saturday!
59 with a bitter wind today, I'm having a happy moment with a pot of tea and homemade cinnamon bread :)
Too funny with the Vampire line, but so true!
I make a conscious effort to block out things threatening my "pleasing mellow" sometimes this requires turning off electronic devices, prayer, meditation and a purely medicinal amount of red wine (thanks for the South Australian Shiraz, Chele!)
You got me, I have never fought anyone a day in my life (oh there was a slapfest back in the late 80s but anyway...) true, I'm more likely to break off a sternly worded letter or a scathing tongue lashing (or put you in my next book as the idiot or the villain)
OneChele, I co-sign on all that you have written and I'd like add the ONE thing that causes me to go from Ladylike to Shameka in a nano second! When did it become acceptable for those serving me at a government office, the doctor or dentist office or some customer service rep on the phone to address me by my first name? I've reached that magical age of 50 and GOT DAMULA! You will address me as Mrs. Richards.
I have had enough of this disrespect and lack of basic manners. And I will not hesitate in correcting the unspecting fool who does this in a slightly raise, but calm voice. And if the fool is standing in front of me, my side eye is so hard, they will swear I've burned holes in their behind!
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Whew...
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