I have read so many blogs lately where the gentlemen are happily dispensing advice to the ladies on how to catch them, keep them, release them… yada, yada, yada. Before my head explodes, I have a few questions of my own. So in an open letter to some of the fellas; past present and future…
(Disclaimer: some of these BougieTales are generalized, others not so much. To anyone who might recognize themselves I say, it's better to be remembered without flattery than not remembered at all)
Hi guys, thanks so much for the interest. It's always lovely to be approached (not whistled at… "Hey baby gurl" is not an appropriate opening line). I appreciate you asking for my phone number/email address/Twitter account and you should appreciate the fact that I gave you the real one. Bunch of bruhs out there trying to dial 867-5309. (If you don't take my reference you are too young!) But now that you've gotten to know me a little bit and I've gotten to know you, I have to ask? Why do you think I'm high maintenance? Before you fall out laughing, let me tell you why I ask…
- How am I high maintenance if I'm maintaining myself? I did not ask you (nor will I) to pay for my mani/pedi, my cocoa butter spa wrap or my Zoom Whitening. I did not ask you to kick in towards the outfits you are appreciating. My shoe addiction is mine alone to maintain.
- How am I high maintenance for driving the car I drive? Wouldn't I be more high maintenance if I drove a bucket that broke down every other week?
- How am I high maintenance for not wanting to stay at the Airport Holiday Inn Express? You earn seven figures a year and you have me listening to takeoffs and landings half the night?
- How am I high maintenance for not wanting to go camping? Can't you be glad I know my limitations? Do you really want to see me without the benefit of toiletries and hot running water?
- How am I high maintenance for asking you what you do for a living? Can I not get kudos for keeping a straight face when you said, "Digital Call-Intake Technician?" Do you think I don't know that means Call Center Rep? (NTTAWWT- not that there's anything wrong with that!)
- How am I high maintenance for not wanting to eat at Chili's on my BIRTHDAY. (Wait for it…) And then HAVING TO PICK UP THE CHECK because you were "short" on a $25 tab?
- How am I high maintenance for having a standing hair appointment with my stylist (and for using the word stylist instead of hairdresser)? Have you seen me without my hair done? You really don't want to. I can only carry off the cute "just trying to get to the salon" ponytail for a day before all sorts of hair rebellion sets in.
- How am I high maintenance for wanting to go to Macy*s to shop when the weather turned unexpectedly cold on our vacation? Have you seen this body? It's not 25 anymore. I can't just slap on off-the-rack Wal-Mart T-shirts with generic jeans and make it work. I need stitching and tailoring and professionally-engineered stretch denim!
- How am I high-maintenance when it takes me less time to get ready than you? Seriously, I had the make-up on, the outfit on and the ankle straps buckled before you emerged with the towel on talking about, "We're leaving in 15 minutes!" What all do you men DO in the shower anyway… or do I want to know?
- You cannot call me high maintenance for wanting to watch my NFL Sunday Ticket in HD. You're the one who got me into high-def habit in the first place. Regular TV looked okay to me until I saw this.
After reading my list of questions and reflecting upon the answers, if you still think I'm high maintenance then I must ask… why are you so interested in maintaining me?J
In your opinion, what makes someone (male or female) high-maintenance, and is it necessarily a bad thing?
13 Bougie Thought(s):
Ha! Who says high maintenance is a bad thing?
Hey Girlie,
I think one's high maintenance can be negative if one is living above their means.
Dont have Dior tastes on a 50 thousand dollar a year job.
Dont request Gucci and Prada and to eat at Fogo De Chao from a man when you are a sales clerk at Macy's.
Dont try to live in a 2000 dollar a month apartment when you only make enough to live in something under 1000..
and Dont turn your nose up at people who live within their means, who can't afford to eat at Expensive Cafes, who have to shop at Ross and on sale..DONT turn your nose up at people who LIVE withing their means and then turn and say "I could NEVER EVER Shop/eat/live there"..
Its fine if you can afford to be high maintenance..thats cool..no hate..but you FAIL miserably when you are high maintenance but can't afford to be
*this is not directed at the author*
I so agree with True. Living above your means and expecting someone else to make your means meet is absolutely hypocritical and wrong. I don't think anyone should be called high maintenance, spoiled, or any of the like if they just have become accustomed to a life they can maintain their self and should not be penalized or criticized for doing so. I think people put labels on other people because they can't deal. I say don't hate the player, learn how to play the game.
Ladies - It's important to understand that high maintenance is a state of mind and as OneChele says: why are you complaining if I'm maintaining myself? From one Bougie Chick to the another - keep on keepin' on!
Love this post. I guess I'm high maintenence too. LOL.
Love this post...I'm glad to know I'm not the only high maintenance person around! But I definitely agree with the earlier posters...as long as you're living within your means, then there's no hate here.
I think "high" maintenance is all relative. If you struggle to keep up a certain standard, that may be too high for you. If you are great at maintaining it, I say...go on ahead with your bad self.
So it looks like we can all agree with my original premise - if you are maintaining yourself (with fiscal responsibility) that's not really high maintenance. And yes, I agree: expecting and trying to procure Platinum service with fool's gold money is not a smart way to live. Thanks everyone for the comments!
Oh, some of that is high maintenance.Which simply means it takes a relatively high amount of time and money to maintain your lifestyle. But, whats wrong with that? Men don't complain much about a car that is high maintenance.
I'm pretty low maint. Some men don't like that.
Its a matter of matching values and priorities. I wouldnt want a high maintenance man because I value other things over appearance and a man who spent a lot of time and money on his looks probably would have a lifestyle and attitude toward material things that did not mesh with mine.
I hope people can hear those things and not be offended but just realize some people's values dont mesh well and if a man wants a woman who is less or more into certain things, its ok for him to go find one and for her to go find a man whose ideas on that stuff match hers.
Back again. I noticed a request for a definition of high maintenance.
I'll begin with this- bougie isn't as narrow as some may think, we come in alllll sorts of varieties. Im quite bougie and quite low maintenance.
I'll start with saying, I am not really into being high maintenance, but I have no problem with it and don't see it as a negative, so none of what I say is criticism.
High maintenance to me means someone who requires a consistently high investment of time and money into their appearance and recreation to be happy.
It means spending a lot of time shopping, a lot of time grooming and a lot of money on everything.
I think what most men don't like about women who consider themselves high maintenance is that many of them have one mode- luxury. I can go for a walk in the park, sit on a tree stump and have sandwiches and capri sun and have a good time if the company is good.
I can, if I like a man and he has no money, go to Chili's for my birthday. No big deal.
If we go camping, not a problem. I can put on some faded glory jeans, tie a bandana on my hair, break a nail, and get dog fur all over me and its all good.
BUT, if I feel like it I can pull out the way overpriced perfume and my one little custom tailored shirt and go to the best place in town and look GOOD. I sleep on Good Sheets, I drink Decent Wine, I have Great Taste and I love Nice Things.
But I dont require a lot of primping, preening, appointments, shopping and so on to keep myself up. So that means there is more time to hang out, garden (and get sweaty and nasty), play with the dogs, read poetry, write, draw, and so on.There are people who prefer that sort of lifestyle and dont feel comfortable investing time and energy on keeping up appearances as opposed to other things they value more.
So in some cases, the choice to not pursue a high maintenance partner is a lifestyle choice.
and
Many women who are high maintenance aren't that way simply because of an appreciation for fine things, but because they are pretentious or have a strong need for status symbols (and being able to always look perfect is definitely a class marker).It can be a sign of the nouveau riche, the inability to ever do anything simple and plain without gasping in horror. And many people dislike that.
It goes for men as well.
So in SOME cases, its because of a perception that people who are very high maintenance are elitist and snobbish and disdainful of others.
Love this post! I refuse to believe that having standards or expectations means being high maintenance.
I was told that I was too high maintenance when I expected the person I was cooking dinner for to show up on time instead of an hour late. When I told him that he was no longer an invited guest, he asked if he could at least eat because he was starvin' like marvin' (oh yes, he said it).
I told him sure...but only if he planned to eat out of his hands because my Tupperware was too good to be wasted! LOL
Funny post. I enjoyed it. I need to start visiting this site more often.
From a low-maintenance chick.
LOL
These things are not High maintencance. I believe it is all in context. I agree with True2me, because it is only considered high maintenance if you are doing above your means OR if you are dating above your means.
Of course someone will say a chick is being high maintenance if he normally cannot even afford a fly hotel for himself. Or if he NEVER has the money to shop similarly, so being with someone so well-maintained makes him self-conscious about HIS threads.
I always think its funny when people say I need someone "low maintenance". What does that even mean? You want someone to be affluent but to hide it at all times? Or do you REALLY mean that you just want someone that will make little demands of you so you won't be motivated or obligated to go out of your way to show your woman love and appreciation? "She's low-maintenance. She don't WANT all those gifts and special 'I'm thinking of her' gifts." Using high-maintenance loosely and negatively is often an excuse to perpetuate piss-poorness as a half in a relationship
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