Blog people, I'm generally an even-tempered gal. Even when my mood starts sliding up and down the scales, I give the folks around me ample and clear warning; i.e. "You may want to just leave me alone for a minute (or 60)". For the most part, I maintain my bouge cool with dignity. However, when the temperature hits 105° in the shade down here in Texas… I find my pleasing personality starting to slip.So in case we ever meet and it's over 100° outside, be forewarned - here are a few things that turn a bougie diva's charming smile upside down:
- Co-worker: We should NOT discuss our political affiliations. You telling me that the reason my contract is ending a month early is because I voted for Obama is not a good move. At all. Like if I was less bougie and more hoody, you would need to double check your ass in the parking garage this evening.
- Ex-boyfriend: You need not call. You are EX for a reason. But okay- when you do call (and they always do); please don't ask me to come and talk to your new girlfriend because she's curious about me. Of course she is and BTW, stop talking about me! For the record, we call this a 'for who, for what' situation. Trust and believe, regardless of how polite I have always been to you; you do NOT want me anywhere near your girl when I'm this cranky… unless you're ready for another ex?
- Starbucks worker: How hard is it to seal the lid on my iced caramel white mocha? Do I look pleased that half of a $5.00 drink is now all over my lovely linen two-piece outfit? No, I do not. Place, click and wait for the snap BEFORE you hand me the drink. Yes, I know you are sorry. Sorry enough to pay my dry cleaning bill?
- FedEx guy: It is SO not my fault that you "misplaced" my package yesterday. So why must I be punished by you ringing my doorbell at 7:00am? This is what BougieMom calls "a day late and a dollar short". I am not a morning person and it was already hell-like hot outside so no, I don't feel bad for giving you the side-eye when you felt the need to tell me how nice my robe was. Yes it's silk and why are you looking?
- Sam's Club: Epic Fail running out of the 36-pack of 16 oz Ozarka Spring Water today. Double Fail hiking up the Vitamin Water price by a $1.50. Yes I noticed and yes, I'll wait right here for the manager to explain how the value of flavored water went up 8.7% in a week. Hmm? You have an in-store coupon? I appreciate that, really I do.
- Valet guy at the Mexican spot for lunch: The purpose of valet is so that bougie folks such as myself do not have to stand in the elements sweating up their coffee-stained linen. The octogenarian who came out after to me walked to her car and was halfway home before you brought my car around. Your $1.00 tip was out of pity not appreciation; no one should have to work outside today.
- 7-11: All a sister wanted was a cherry and Coke swirled Slurpee. The Coke was working fine; the cherry was sputtering all over the place and basically just spit cherry syrup at me. Yes, the red stain makes a perfect complement to the coffee stain. Adding injury to insult, I slipped in the syrup, banged my knee and said syrup stained my canvas slingback espadrilles. All around wardrobe fail today. That which was trendy at 9:00am is tired before 2:00.
- Money-Grubbin' Power Company: Seriously? Grid-overload at 3:00 pm? A crew is on the way? What is that going to cost me? It's been over 100° for 6 days in a row; did no one anticipate a million air conditioners running simultaneously?
Oh, don't mind my rant. This was clearly a day when I should have knocked the alarm off the bedside table and stayed in bed. Or sat in a pool with oiled-up cabana boys bringing me mango mojitos every half-hour. Instead, I'm hot, thirsty, stained and decidedly cranky. And the day's not over yet.
Ever have one of those days? Did someone do/say something to you today that just rubbed the wrong way? I would ask how many of you live somewhere that gets crazy hot in the summer but thanks to global warming/El Niño, unless you live on an Arctic Ice Cap, the answer is yes.
8 comments:
I relegate myself to inside activities during the hottest part of the day. I HATE THE HEAT. And it is hot down here.
But not too long ago, my air conditioner developed a short. So, it would not come right on when I started my car, but I would have to hit a good bump before it would come on.
I got stopped several times for swerving all over the road while looking for a bad spot in the road so that i could get that good bump to turn my air on.
Quit whining!!!!
@ecthompson Thanks BougieBro, can always count on you for the love and support.
@Max - the pothole air conditioning fix is classic!
OneChele,
I'm a Black 'n Bougie living Down Under and this country gets hot as HELL during the summer. My other half learned long ago, when the temp's hit 90 and climbing - I can be found in front of the A/C in an appropriate state of dress for the conditions. Do not expect for me to cook dinner, do not expect for me to move from said spot in front of the A/C and don't even think about touching me.
My late grandmother's favourite saying was:
Ladies do not sweat!
And since she was rare as hens teeth wrong about any other pronouncements that she made in her long life, I have to believe that it's absolutely true.
@Brenda Kay - yes, this is a little known bougie principle. I actually had an etiquette instructor tell me "Ladies do not sweat or perspire, we glisten and glow." I'm working on it!
Right there with you. I.cannot.stand.heat.
And I used to live in TX. I am one of those stay-insiders. I'm either outside and back before 8 am, or after 8 pm...if I need to leave the house outside of those intervals and come into the heat, your invoice has just doubled.
Just moved to Dallas. Today everyone was walking around saying what a great break in the heat we got. Do you people realize it was 94 degrees? Please tell me it gets better!
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